Phew ... Going to Retire from the Blue soon ...

It has been months and "eons", since I touched this blog. Feeling very busy. With the obligation to participate in IMF. Here and there, there will always be ups and downs. There will always be sadness, negative feelings, but then enjoyment, happiness and positive feelings.

Deep down, some of the things are best forgotten, and I am glad to see that many of my surroundings are still okay.

3/10/2006; 0153 hrs

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By the way, I have been so busy on my project that I hardly have anytime for blog. Or even to meet manyof my friends. But soon, I will ask them out for gatherings ...

Pardon me.
There are so many things for me to expect and yet I seem hardly well, to reach my standard. Talking about low self-confidence. I always have to screw-up. It seems there are good genes and bad genes, and I am so self-abased that I may soon have to put myself in the list of bad genes.

I have really many weakness. And it seems that there are plenty for me to change. No longer luck just play a role, and to be frank, I already have all the luck in the world. Or perhaps I am already blessed with luck. But somehow, I just cannot do things right.

Perhaps I am never a good presenter. I feel horribly uneasy when I go up stage. It is not just a common stage fright. But then inside me, I know there is this wonderful "me" wanting to be released, but then somehow this "me" is locked securely inside the "prison", when I just go on stage. It is a really unhealthy and disturbing signs for a person who wants to do great things yet is not a good public speaker. Perhaps I have eluded most of my childhood stage experiences, but then the experiences on public speaking in the past is actually quite positive and memorable.

Hai~~ I will just have to create a style and method like what I did to Sudoku. This is the only way to minimise my downside, and also to get back what that is supposedly belong to me, GLORY, COURAGE and HAPPINESS ...

Many people have weakness and strength, and somehow I have so much weakness to change that each one is tiring me out.

I refuse to run away. But then if I still cannot get the job well-done on time, then running away is a cowardice but essential strategy. But I hate to be that type of cowards. But then, I do not want to screw the whole things up. Many things are at stake and really, I am giving myself a lot of stress.

I hate to contradict, and yet manyatime I have strange twisted logics and reasons that are really useless and futile. It only deproves me and yet I still contradict. How to be a winner? How to be a thinker? And how to become a WISE strategists (Which I proclaimed to ...)

Hai ~

I want to be cool and calm but that is my characteristics. Perhaps my strategy to be versatile seems to fail as I am now neither here nor there. A real versatile will be very good but then I am just a half Jack of all trades. I should have specialise myself in some areas. Really. Then I can contribute to any teams or any company with ease.

Instead of being 10/10 in at least 3 areas, I have become 5/10 in around 10 areas. And unfortunately, in a team, it is not just the points that count but in what area you can contribute. If the team set the criteria of 9/10, then all the 5s will have been superfically useless. And the current trends and the policy of the natural selection of the best is to give due credits to the people who have found their right niches.

I am writing something disheartening and to tell the truth, I am a little bit disconcerted and disturbed by my recent exploits. I think my strategies have failed, and I still want to be a strategist. I can avoid and run away. Running and escaping is easy, but then I will not have face up to reality. I will not have been the MAN. And I actually force myself to stand in all these senarios so that I can change and learn for the better and also to contribute at the same time. But then, evidently the contributions are pretty and useless.

And the next thing will be, I will have concluded that the whole thing is not suitable for me and I will again run. Hai ~~~~

I am now beginning to suspect and doubt myself and my abilities. I hate the feelings of veing wasted. But now and then, I realise I have wasted lots and lots of things.

Suspicion and DOUBTS lead to self-abased and low confidence. And like what Yoda will have said, to the extreme conditions, it will lead to irritation, anger and eventually hatred. Thus, suspicion is a really horrible sentiments. (As all the dark desires and emotions may be unleashed ...)

What am I good at? What am I truly good at? I still have not got my destiny right ...

And I truly need to find my right destiny ... ... ...

And I truly have plenty to be done and plenty to be admonished ...



A really really really negative thoughts done and the inner heart that berates oneself ...

The Library Book Sales ...

2 days ago, is the first day of the Library Books sale. Like any other "Kiasu" Singaporeans, my friends and I went to the Expo early so that we can get the good books.

Boy,we are shocked when we saw how long the queue was. As early as 0900 hrs, the queue was already an "intestine" (Literally). Luckily, one of my friend is an early bird, and an early bird always catch the best worms (Or most worms, or most best worms ...). For us, who were slightly later than usual, we just sit on the bandwagon and gave our thanks (Leveraged Ba....D we are, heehee).

Even with the priviledged fews who managed to get into the hall early, I was quite disappointed by the books that were displayed. It seems my expectation was too ideal, and thus, all the books seem pretty "useless" to me. Nonetheless, I still managed to pick up a few useful books(Around 11, which I presumed "few", because I saw people gather around 50 to 100).

Soon, the crowds gathered, and it became increasingly difficult to wander and waver through the spaces in between the book trolleys.

I managed to meet some of the people I was well-acquainted with such as my ORD friend (With his air stewardess girlfriend) and even my former colleges friends. Imagine my surprise to see my former teachers there too (The Botak and the Chinese Teacher together, heehee). We also hooked up with my former Judo and ODAC friend.

Breathing in a lot of dusts, it seems I realise why the NLB (National Library Board) put their location in the Expo hall. I have also made some speculations. This includes the young people working part time at the Library Book Sales get to pick the books they want first as an incentive other than the part time wages they are earning. I have decided with my friends to join in the Library Book Sales as workers for next year.

After the Library Book Sales, I decided to test out the new route from Expo to my house. Somehow by fate or chance, we alighted at the NYJC Bus stops. Imbued with a sense of nostalgia, we actually walked into NYJC to take a look and walk around. As usual, we are amazed by the new facilities that we did not enjoy in the past. This includes a new gym and good Science Laboratories. We managed to meet up my former Senior in ODAC and former chemistry teacher. We chatted with the teacher for a while. It seems the Dragon batch is a very competitive group. We even made some speculations about our strength in academics compare to them.

Afterthat, I went to one of my friends' house, and played 2 financial games, CashFlow and MonoPoly. To think all the while, we are carrying heavy books along ...

It was the first time since I felt more "free" since the "Negative" feelings I had from last month. It seems this syndrome is ending, and they are all in my mind. Much as I know that thinking about this is useless, futile and maglinant, this "N" feelings somehow seep into my mind. Maybe all the time, it is inside my brain and I have only successfully suppressed it but not tossed it entirely away.

Nonetheless, everything got its own way, and that when the ship reach the harbour, it will go straight. Somehow, I have already sorted out the "N", and now ready to convert to "P". "N" will only make me feel more inferior, less self-confident, and kill my self-esteem. If I lose that precious confidence, then what is the use of dreaming big, and doing big.

So, now I am still ready to embark on new projects and ready to succeed. I have another 40 years to contribute totally to the society. So, I already have the determination to step ahead and go.

It seems my life is not "very" smooth, but still "palatable" and "fortunate". So, it is only wise of me to savour the "fortunate" instead of always looking for "smooth". Only then, I can say that I am ready to be enlightened ...

Diary is Blog [(The Pride of my job) & (Reflection of my TP)]

It has been around 1 month since I have inputted into the blog. As usual, I am rather "busy" doing all the things such as reading, doing chores, going out with friends and chasing my childhood. My childhood does not entitle me the priviledge of watching anime or manga as I do not have the cable TV and also less money to read. So, now, I use my free time to "go retro", to burrow all the available anime and Manga (Such as Flame of Recca and even DragonBall) from my friends and enjoy.

(For this paragraph, contents are purposefully concised and make into long-winded sentences ...)
[[[[[[[[It has been around one year, since I have been transferred from my division to SOC to join the PMU (Police MRT UNit). Talking about pride, which my TLs(Team Leaders) have tried to instill into us, I feel seriously deprived of certain dignity, no matter how motivating my TLs want to make my job seems. If a police officer has pride, he/she does not need to "beg" literally to officially rest in a room or to meet our basic need, the toilets and the water. Even if given "forcefully", it seems the "givers" are very unhappy and will show unhappy faces and utter disrespect even when the room is free and no one is in use. This is a slap in the face, as we are not the one who ask to come here, and we are also humans who need to have our fair share of rest. We are also protecting people and doing our jobs. I admit we heard nasty remarks about our job as a "wayang" job or a job that only "performs". This only further demoralise us, as those are the people whom we are protecting. These guys might even want to say that they do not need us. I admit we are not needed by them , but if so? It is not as if we ask for this unit to be formed. This unit is formed because of the "above", the big shots and the Minister. The mission is to deter terrorism and even crimes. These guys, whom I hope is minority of the population but unfortunately as I observed, the majority of Singaporeans who laugh and taunt the people who protect them, have not been hit by any terrorists. Singaporeans are really too lucky to comprehend the meaning of happiness and have taken peace and the people who are protecting them and doing their jobs for granted. Worst, some of these guys are our colleagues and even our "partners" (The "givers" whom we have to beg for rest and water). Without respect from the public is enough, but how can we have pride when the partners and one of us even contempt the unit? Pride unfortunately does not mean anything to be anymore as the pride has become ego, because I have to find ways to source for the "pride" we should have. And this artifical pride is going to become fake ego which is going to give false self-comfort. How to have pride as Group leader when your mates do not help you but deter you; When your mates do not listen to you or follow instructions during critical moment or when the instructions given are supposed to be correct and adhered to; When your mates laugh and criticise wrongly with the others (Not our Units and people such as the "givers") about the things and procedures you follow when all of them are correct and should be done. Worst of all, nothing can be done to those mates, as they are supposedly one of us or worst still have some connections with the TLs. I will have said that becoming a GL is simply a pain in the ass and do not provide me with any additional income. It is just an extra job that will simply make me feel sad for the helplessness. The problem with those people or mates who criticise wrongly happens to be non GLs, and this will make me feel more strange. If they are so good, why don't they take over my job? I have not asked for the job either. How to have pride? This is what I will have asked. Even when I feel that I am more lucky than the Army people, but still, somehow in terms of pride, I do not have the precious item as much as them. They are scolded and treated badly by their commanders but are given certain degree of respect from the "others". If we create the "pride", then it is ego, personally speaking. Thus, real pride must also come from the surroundings, from the environment, the people to the mates who are supposedly one of "us". And so, for all the dignity, the pride and respect, I am going to ORD soon, and I do not care whether even what if my OC say is true, "All these are just part of Job-Hazards ...". ]]]]]]]]

Today is my TP (Traffic Police) or driving test. And I am sad to announce that I have FAILED in my first attempt of the test. I cannot blame anyone or anything but myself. I am given a good weather, a good timing when there are lesser cars on the road and the circuit. Even the tester seems to be a person who is a neutral but a fair and good "grace-giver". Thus, I am endowed with good circumstances or FengShui and even luck. I have trained so many times that I believe that I can pass it on first attempt. I have a good and experience private instructor and also a new and good car. Yet, I am still "shaky" and "uneasy" with a little "inconsistency" in my feelings. I want to be confident and not to be overconfident. But the problem is I cannot have that 100% confidence and sureness as a tinge of doubt still exists in my capability. I have lost, because I lost to myself, the coolness and the calmness. Of all the obstacles and courses, I have actually got an immediate failure in my first course, the crank course. Just as I start on the first course and not more than ten seconds, I have mounted the kerb and thus rendered immediate failure.

Nonetheless, the tester give me a chance to gain "experience", and therefore allow me to continue my test even though I have failed. I am grateful to him and yet deeply shaken and demoralised. Nonetheless, I tried myself, and I can say if I did not mount the kerb, I will have passed the test. But then, if we keep saying "if", then what is the use of the differentiation between "Failure" and "Success". In my former entry, I have written something of the "Extra Tiny Reach". I am aware of the problem, yet I cannot overcome it and this make me a little frustated. I still repeat the same mistake and personally, I feel that I do not even have the right to moan, groan and whince, and at the same time imbued with a sense of self-pity.

Hai~~ It is over now, and the only thing I can do is to look forward to the next re-test and then be calm and cool. Only with calmness and coolness, can I stop mistakes from happening. I did not focus in the beginning of the test and therefore I have suffered a defeat. If I panic then I will lose the focus. Now, it is time I rest first, and then continue with my life and just keep swimming.

And maybe this is why I will have to be classified under the "lower-end" class, for a person who still cannot achieve something even when everything is tilted in the favour. By looking at those people who have achieved greatness at a time of peril, or in a circumstances of hell, I feel a little ashamed and embarassed. (Even now, there are good enough examples such as a poor person who actually achieve good grades and grow up to be a successful person).

I will like to ask myself with reference to the characters in the movies such as Mission Impossible. How can I achieve difficult missions when I cannot even do a simple job that already have my advantage? It is a total shame, frankly speaking, as I do not believe that I will have to "purposefully" put myself in a super harsh condition to bring out the best in myself and lose or sacrifice important things. Why cannot I bring out the best in myself by having the correct attitude, and the correct thoughts and moment?

Hopefully, I will not be like this any longer, as in my opinion, Singapore has given me a good environment and a good circumstances (FengShui), and hence I should not slack or do something that is stupid or simply fail.

That will have been morally,sensibly, questionably and horribly unjustifiable.

"The Extra tiny reach" ... ... ... My 5 points of Importance ... ... ...

"The Extra Tiny Reach" ...

In life, there is always ..."Hey, just a little bit and I will be successful, Hai~~" ...

I believe all of us will have this feeling. But if the frequency of this feeling is high, then I am afraid this person will have an intense poignacy.

Nonetheless, it seems that I am one of them. I am always this close. From everything in my life that can be graded. So close to success and the result is still a FAIL. After the ordeal of failing, then either someone or myself will say failure is still a route to success and learn from the mistakes to ameliorate. It is true, but the truth is meant for people to learn (from mistakes and never to repeat) and not to exploit.

But then, there are some problems which I feel worst. Some of the things in the world have only one time, that means you have only one shot and only one chance in the life. There are no more "some more"s or "chances" left. There are numerous examples. To name a few, major critical exams, including my streaming in Primary 4 to my A-level.

For me, it is not just few critical exams that is so simple. In my former entries, I have taken note of some relationships and incidents. The youthful romance, friendships. Many are "that close".
In sports, from young, I have never been real good lest for some golden eras ...

Well, the most recent one is the close shave of 4 seconds to the Silver in IPPT for me (At this stage, I am unfit but luckily, still salubrious). To get silver will mean 100 bucks richer for me. People has said that 4 seconds are easy and I am an idiot for not passing that easy 4 seconds.

Thus, in life, it is easy to say "If I have known earlier ..." or "Just this close ..." but it is always the small difference that counts. The thin line that means victory or failure. Success is always within reach of us in most of the affairs, just that one tiny steps, and glory and eternity is ours. The "EXTRA TINY REACH" which I term, is the vital and essential ingredient of a person who want to be happy to achieve something; who want to be satisfied with their lives; and of course to obtain the results and savour the endeavour of triumph. This is also the difference between extraordinary person and just ordinary person. And in many, it is the "EXTRA TINY REACH", that bore LEGEND (Or Singaporeans like to say "God", or people who achieve a remarkable results that are so outstanding that it becomes miraculous).

So, even after so many trials on the lessons of "EXTRA TINY REACH", I still have not fully appreciated and cherish the chances to become extraordinary. NOnetheless, I am aware of it. So, either I buck up and instil this value or I will choose to become ordinary. To become ordinary is actually a good thing at times, but not when you whince and you groan when you become "normal".

So, I will promise myself whenever I reach a point of the "difference" or the "divergence" (In events, circumstances or even competitions) , I will have to execute the leap of EXTRA TINY REACH. Only then, will I prevent any evocative poignancy. It is "Just do" or never. Like what Achilles told a young boy when the young boy questioned Achilles of his sanity to fight a monstrous giant warrior, in the movie blockbuster, "Troy" (starring Brad Pitt as Achilles himself), "This is why people will never remember your name ...".


(Finished on 27/6/2006, Tuesday, 2120 hrs)

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"My 5 points of Importance" (Code name: Pentagon) ...

5 points of importance ... Beliefs of ancient Chinese (And probably any Chinese well versed in I Ching and FengShui) of how should the life as a person be. (Or to me, the way to lead a good and meaningful life ...)

The 5 points of Life below is as follow. Generally, many people will have the subtle ideas behind the Pentagon (My own personal term of these 5 points) base on their meanings. Chiefly, the people will have agreed that this is how one's life should be fulfilled. But to each individuals in the world, it is still different individuals that lead one's own life. Thus (Especially in my view), this only serves as a guideline and a purpose but not strict regulation. This is why there may be different version of interpretations. I am going to put my version forward in this entry of blog.

In FengShui and I Ching, there are many intangible concepts. BUt these concepts have to be converted into tangible aspects for the benefit of the understanding for most of the people. For me, likewise, there will be many tangible and intangible concepts in my views. Some are explicit, and for the others, it is up to the readers to comprehend and think. (This is why some of the readers have complained my blog is too "chim" [Difficult]. [[Well, this is the way how I do it. Or else in the 1st place, I will never have started a blog ...]])

1st - Destiny (Fate, or what I am going to become)
2nd - Luck (Good fortunes, and the high degree of smoothness while accomplishing objectives)
3rd - FengShui (Which means putting myself in a favourable spots and position)
4th - Philanthropy (Giving back ... To society ... Not just monetary)
5th - Education (Learn as You live)

Destiny:
At many points of view, it can be talents, beliefs and even amibitions of different individuals. To put it simple, I will depict the destiny of a healthy red bean seed, a less complicated organism.

The young seed's destiny is to grow into a full-fledged plant. And a full-fledged plant represents the adulthood when we contribute to the society and distinguish ourselves. There is also an obvious (yet discrete) responsibility - to reproduce (Immortality is not part of the life-cycle on Earth). To reproduce may mean both figurative and literal. Literally, it is the responsibility to bear offsprings (Scientifically it is to pass on the genetic information in the forms of chromosomes). WHile in figurative term, it is the responsibility to spread and pass on the knowledge and skills to the next generation.

So a full-fledged, healthy plant is to provide foods and be part of the eco-system. Be a producer and tap the energy from the sunlight , and pass on these energy to the others in the eco-system. (I do not want to elaborate on Ecology or Biodiversity, so for interested fellows, find out more on INternet or Biology Textbooks) ... In some sort, an adult in society is to contribute to the economy in terms of different skills or jobs. Then in return, taxes have to be paid and optional charity will be given. The plant(In this case, dicotyledon Angospem or flowering plant) will also give offsprings in the form of seeds.

So, like the plant, my destiny is to grow and learn, and contribute to the society. But the exact form of my contribution is still quite hazy. Soon, I will learn what is my real destiny ...

Luck:

In the world, you will always need good luck. Though luck is not encouraged to be viewed as the most important factor of success, it is still acknowledged widely as an ingredient. But, there are some controversial argument of how much luck is needed or is used in order to achieve success.
Even the fact about how to derive luck or where luck comes from is also debated. To me, without the essential luck, no matter how skillful you are, you will still fail. NOnetheless, I hold on the belief of "Not everyday is a Sunday ...", and "Lady luck will smile more on Good guys ...". I respect luck but never put myself on stake with luck. Even the luckiest man on Earth will have exhausted his/her luck sooner or later. And the only person I can think of having every single luck he/she can have, will be the omnipotent, omnisient and omnipresent God (Or the monothestic version of God).

(Please read my former entries in order to find out what I perceived luck as and what my view is ...)

FengShui (Geomancy):

FengShui is a big topic or subject by itself. BUt to me, I have got a general definition of something that is of good favour and good circumstances to me. With luck and your destiny, without FengShui, both the former will have been entirely useless. A saying will be, "Circumstances and Environment can determine a person ...".

Like a seed, it wants to be strong. It wants to grow into a full-fledged plant. It wants to achieve its destiny. But if the seed is in a very dry soil, a place where there is no sunlight, and trapped in a rock without sufficient air, no matter how lucky the soil is or how determined it wants to be strong, it is still limited and cannot fulfill its whole potential.

Luck and Destiny can influence FengShui but the latter also affects both the former. Humans especially the Chinese have always wanted to change their circumstances(Harsh and negative) in order to survive, to obtain happiness and to realise and fulfill their goals and destiny.

FengShui might be controversial in some sense that many people including the Westerns will choose not to believe in the exact advices and principles behind the Chinese Geomancy. But it is a telling sign, that more and more people believe in FengShui. Even if people do not want to follow the principles of the original Chinese Geomancy, they have their own successful "FengSHui".

Thus, to avoid any issues, FengShui simply means putting myself into a favourable conditions and circumstances in order to realise my full potential and goal.

There is a saying, "It is the harsh conditions that bring out the best in humans". FengShui does not mean anything about a pampered life and a condition that gives everything so that humans can become slack. Contrary to this, it proves the determination of how well a human wants to change his life to a better when he is hit to a full-sunk low. Natural circumstances (Both Good or Bad) cannot be changed or sometimes controlled (Such as a full blown natural disaster), but a wise and smart person can manipulate those conditions to his favour and hence achieving a success and a good life with a good FengShui.

My FengShui will of course have a requisite of moral values, but as any policies that benefit the majority, sometimes certain necessary evil and bitter medicines must be implemented and taken. But this will always be the LAST resort.

Philantropy:

Anyone in the world will have tell you that you will have to give back something for we are always taking. This includes a higher philosophy of death, that means giving back our nutrients to the Earth.

Nonetheless, the giving back to society is a very common affair today in terms of monetary. Other than monetary, there are other means of giving such as efforts or time in the form of contributions.

Thus, philantropy is not just a simple thing on giving, but contributing. The contribution must benefit great mass or large organisation like society even though the contribution may be small. Small does not matter as long as the contribution is done in a serious and sincere manner.

Education:

Learn as you live. We are learning everyday. Different forms of skills and not just academic. Even ideas, notions and philosophy are learned.

Education is very important. Though people might argue that schooling is in fact education (and in large aspects is true), education does not merely consists of schooling. Schools teach us mostly on academic and of course a good school will have taught life-learning skills, street-smart skills and even instil important moral values like TeamWork.

But education is more than just schooling. Researching and looking up for information yourself is infact a form of education. In the process, valuable insights are gained. There are now many tools to gain from. Library, Internet, Books and Media.

Education also comes from people around us. Environment is the one that affects and influence us tremendously. Parents and elders especially are the one that "lecture" us everyday. They are passing us knowledge too just like the schools.

But it is important to take note that even when we have reached the "highest" peak of education, and this includes when we have supposedly grown wise and old, we will still have to learn. Or simply some old ideas can no longer work in present circumstances (FengShui). Then we will have to learn and adapt new ways. Neither can we be stubborn and refuse to learn but stick to old ways.

A saying will be "Education is a way of life", and look at how true it is, in our everyday's life ...

(Last edited on 15/07/2006, Saturday, 0910 hrs)


A note:

I am too busy to input many things into my blog even though I have plenty to talk about. This shows that there will always be something that you may have to omit in life. Filter and Priortise. Anyway, the "sayings" I give in NS are very common sensical or are just pure bull shit depending on how you view them. For the inspiration part, I have input many thoughts about inspiration in my former entries. It is now time to move forward, and to input more relevant and daily stuffs into my blog.

Many people have commented it is too boring. Much as I listen to other views, I still understand that this is my own personal blog. (I do not advertise or earn any money, and neither do I add links to others) Thus, I will just do it my way, and follow my own discretion ...

The "Unbalanced" Balance

(Graphic Visualisation)

Image of Libra

Symbol of Libra

(From the graphic visualisation) The stars in the constellation Libra can be connected more fully, graphically showing a balance.
The star beta Librae, of third magnitude, represents the top of the balance. The stars gamma Librae and alpha Librae represent the balance beam: alpha Librae being of third magnitude as well.
The stars upsilon Librae and tau Librae represent the left plate of the balance, whereas the star sigma Librae represents the right plate of the balance. All three of these stars are of the third magnitude.

(From Wikipedia)

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According to Chinese philosophy, yin and yang are two opposing and counterbalancing forces in the universe. This symbol represents them. Yin is the dark half and yang the bright half, but neither could exist without the other.

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I have thought of a (an add-on) principle precedent of my Balance principle.

(This entry is going to be a little bit long and informative, so for the people who love summary, you may want to skip this entry. This is just a conundrum, I have been observing and asking. Some people may want to chide me for thinking something that is meaningless to our normal lifestyle. Nonetheless, since I have thought of it, I might as well discover the meaning behind it ... Great thinkings and notions come from something that is small ... For those who want to go on, enjoy!)

The "Unbalanced" Balance

Talking about "Balance", the immediate thought will be 50-50, in terms of 100%. Right can never penetrate Left, and vice-versa. This may be true, in Mathematics form, that is in theory. In Chinese, there is Yin and Yang, which also talk about the harmonious balance, and thus lay the foundation of "Tao" teachings (Or the Religion Taoism), Martial Arts and "Fengshui" or Chinese geomancy. In constellations, Libra is symbolised as a weighing balance. And therefore in many aspects, Libra is often portrayed as a balance of both sides, and also a vintage symbol of balance other than the "Yin and Yang". Concept of balance is also in I Ching (易经) that has the principles of the (1) dynamic balance of opposites, (2) the evolution of events as a process, and (3) acceptance of the inevitability of change. (Read to find out more on I Ching, an example and principles of Ancient Chinese Wisdom)

It is also believed that having a balance lifestyle is good for health.

In Star Wars, about good verus evil, and Jedi versus Sith, only a balance "force" will bring peace to the universe.

WHy are there 2 sexes, so as to act as a balancing act? Each sperms and ova will bear half the responsibility of gene pools (In this case, chromosomes), and thereby allowing a stable changes and reproduction. One more chromosome from either sides, will dismantle the balance when fusion occurs and give a mutation like Down's Syndrome. (A nebulous account - Find out the biology of reproduction and genes to know more)

However, people have even conceived that there is some "unbalance" in the nature. Why are the burden of baby's birth not equally shared among the sexes but only to the female? Of course, for asexual type, there is a "balance"'s existence in the form of replication and mitosis from one divided into two.

And in the world by many definitions, descriptions, observations and illustrations,by balancing, you will achieve a harmony and therefore a sure good endings.

There are enough of examples as fully illustrated in "Yin and Yang" that speaks of our lives and surroundings plus day to day applications. There are also many books written on Yin and Yang, via Balancing.

There are also numerous "Balancing" phenomenon you can see around you.

So, the conjecture is that by balancing, everything in the world will be positive. Is this true? And what exactly do we mean by balancing?

It is not really true, that by balancing, everything will be good. For instance, for the Big Bang theory. In Science, there is a matter, and thereby anti-matter. Particles and thereby anti-particles. So as, electrons and positrons. Technically, matter and antimatter do not really fuse, they simply annihilate each other and leave behind energy usually in the form of two photons (particles of light). [Fusion is the process where two particles of matter combine to form a single larger unit. However, the word "fuse" is used freely when depicting about the collisions between particles].

[There is considerable speculation both in science and science fiction as to why the observable universe is apparently almost entirely matter, whether other places are almost entirely antimatter instead, and what might be possible if antimatter could be harnessed, but at this time the apparent asymmetry of matter and antimatter in the visible universe is one of the great unsolved problems in physics. Possible processes by which it came about are explored in more detail under baryogenesis. ](This text is taken from the wikipedia)

If the number of anti-matter and matter will to be equal, so how do we exist? As we all know today, all of us are made of matter. So, we are lucky that somehow from the "Big-Bang", the asymmetry amount of matter and anti-matter which is tilted to the favour of the matter side, somehow creates the planets and the galaxy. The "UNBALANCE" act of the universe has somehow do good to create us.

[But assuming large zones of antimatter exist, there must be some boundary where antimatter atoms from the antimatter galaxies or stars will come into contact with normal atoms. In those regions a powerful flux of gamma rays would be produced. This has never been observed despite deployment of very sensitive instruments in space to detect them.
It is now thought that symmetry was broken in the early universe during a period of baryogenesis, when matter-antimatter symmetry was violated. Standard Big Bang cosmology tells us that the universe initially contained equal amounts of matter and antimatter: however particles and antiparticles evolved slightly differently. It was found that a particular heavy unstable particle, which is its own antiparticle, decays slightly more often to positrons (e+) than to electrons (e−). How this accounts for the preponderance of matter over antimatter has not been completely explained. The Standard Model of particle physics does have a way of accommodating a difference between the evolution of matter and antimatter, but it falls short of explaining the net excess of matter in the universe by about 10 orders of magnitude.] (Texts taken from wikipedia)

Even some Physicists have believed that there MUST be a balance of matter and anti-matter in universe, and therefore some has proposed a theory on anti-matter regions in universe, or simply even anti-universe. When the so-called "excess" matter come into contact with the anti-matters in the anti-universe, then annihilation will occur, and radiation like gamma-rays will be produced. That is to say, the matter we can see and contact for our galaxy, are actually the universe that is luckily separated from the anti-universe. Nonetheless, there is already the "existence" of anti-universe in science fiction.

[Antimatter is the ultimate energy source. It releases energy with 100% efficiency (nuclear fission is 1.5% efficient.) Antimatter is 100,000 times more powerful than rocket fuel. A single gram contains the energy of a 20 kiloton atomic bomb--the size of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima. In addition to being highly explosive, antimatter is extremely unstable and ignites when it comes in contact with anything...even air. It can only be stored by suspending it in an electromagnetic field inside a vacuum canister. If the field fails and the antimatter falls, the result is a "perfect" matter/antimatter conversion, which physicists aptly call "annihilation."]

Other than the complex example of the "unbalance" act of the universe between the matter and anti-matter (Actually it is more complicated ...), there is many other pervalent examples that can be shown in the way of unbalance.

For instance our heart. Generally, our hearts are always situated slightly to the left in our body. Most of the animals' hearts are mostly tilted to left. There are of course some strange anomalies of heart being tilted slightly to right instead of left. No matter what side it is, it is a fact that our hearts will never be exactly equal in between our lungs. Why? To follow the principle of balance, and to get the "correct" balance in nature, why is heart not at the centre? There are of course reasons for left ventricular muscles is bigger than the right and to pump blood efficiently to arteries due to the high pressure caused by the aortic arch.

The Unbalance Balance principle is just a phenomenon that I observed in our normal life. You will realise the anormalties in the world will be that there can never be a perfect balance. In fact, to many people, a perfect balance is actually a "tilted" balance figuratively.

One thing to note, something in the world that is perceived to be balance may not seem to be balance to another person. This is due to the fact that for any phenomenon in the world, we are always comparing in different manners and looking at different points of view. Unless, there is absolute such as numbers, like 22 is discerned by some people to be a "balance" number as there are two, and both two at left and right. However, my note will be that there is an irony that even the acknowledged absolutes can be treated philosophically nonetheless.

I have just inputted something I have thought of. They are philosophy, Science and even our normal day-to-day life. I am afraid that they are still plenty of relevant examples to prove or disprove Balance is the most perfect harmonious and significant effect in our lives. At the end of the day, it is still what you think that matters for this issue of "Balancing" act. "Balance" may be the sycronym for "Perfect" to many people. Though I doubt it, there is no right or wrong in this matter as long as there is no conclusive debates.

But it is rather peculiar to note that there is always exceptions in the world, no matter how perfect a pattern want to be.

(As this is a food for thought, as long as there are new things and perspectives, there will always be additions to be done. So, this entry is subjected to constant modifications ...)

______________________________________

Fast comments ... (Done on 22/05/2006, Mon, 2240hs)

I have read through and revise all my former blogs as done before. As usual, I am amazed of my capability to write out and gain many insights for the short Two and a Half Year. Even some of the words I have used gracefully, have been forgotten of their meanings both literally and figuratively ... Maybe "Inspiration really brings out the best at that moment ...". I will discuss further about inspirations and what I have come to a sudden realisation about inspirations during the recent Sec4 Chalet gatherings I have gone ... When I have the time ... I will also talked about the newly "Unbalanced" Balance principle which I have dwelled upon recently ...

[One thing to note while reading all my blogs, is the fact that I have always have typo,grammar and structural error. I realise it will be an immense, mega project just to edit all the typo errors. As for the grammar and structural error, I will have to let it be. Hai~~ It seems I am not yet even a near to perfect person, but still, it is this that makes me ... "William" ... Hahaha .... ]

By the way, I still remember there are some "promises" that I have made. Such as the "key phrases" I have created in my current work place. I will add on all the "key phrases" after I have research and explored on the "Unbalanced" Balance principle.

The Important Discussion, Faith (The Christians)

Today, I have watched the Da Vinci Code, the movie. I have read the book before. I am not brainwashed to believe EVERYTHING what I read or see is true. In fact, it even spurs me, a non-Christians to take interest and research in related areas. A goal Dan Brown has achieved, and what the Pope and the Bishops and the Pastors will have been glad of.

There are many points to be discussed, of course even up to the point of religious, the topic of all sensitivity. I have however taken some of the points that what Dan Brown claims is true are unfortunately not bona fide. An example will be the Priory of Sion in which I will have never believe the great Sir Issac Newton is actually a gandmaster. Anyway the Priory of Sion has been proven to be a hoax created by Pierre Placard. Priory of Sion in fact exists until 1956, but its aims and members are quite unexpected from the Priory as described in the Da Vinci Code and the texts by Placard. There are of course some truth like Mary Magdalene is not a prostitute. But as of the Sangreal and Holy Grail's theory, and the conspiracies in the movie, it is still too nebulous to be a fact.

I have also liked the comparison of different symbols in the beginning as done by the main character, Robert Langdon, in the movie. What we percieved the meaning of, events or symbols, might not be what we really discern as, or simply the facts. This is why narrow-mindedness and close-mindedness is a negative aspect (obviously). But still, people do not realise they are like this when they hold so strongly to their faith that they ignore the importance of open-mindedness. Having strong faith is in fact plaudits to many, but when it is a blind and extreme one that even mistakes are acknowldeged as truth; or dismissing others as heretics, outcasts, saturnic, infidels indiscriminately, just because of different opinions and ideology, then it is dissenting, nasty, minacious and unconstructive.

My friends and I have discussed a lot of Christianity and the early civilisations like the Sumerians, Eygptian and the Greek. We even argued over the point as to which Discriminations or Politics or Selfishness is the root cause of all conflicts and wars.

We have also explored the facts and the fictions in the Bible up to the point of Roman periods and how it affected the faith and the religion. We also lament how many Christians and Catholics in the world today, friends around us who only have the "reckless" faith and sadly a blind one. They have become so obsessed in the faith and sayings that they refuse to keep an open mind and take fictions as total facts and take Bible as a history text. I do not want to criticise faith, but neither do I want to see people becoming so faithful that discriminations and accusations soon occur, resulting in straining of human relationships. This is in fact dangerous, for meaningless conflicts and wars have arises because of narrow-mindedness. Discussing the Bible and the faith is not wrong. Pin-pointing is okay. But many of my Christians friends have become so inundated that they will become excessively angry and emotional when certains questions are raised. I will have asked them how can they convince others if they will to show unwilling attitude. Only by explaining amiably do them and their faith gain better respect from the others.

To me and many others, other than many Protestants or Catholics, all of the people who believed in Bible, God and Christ should in fact be Christians (A lot of Protestants will have insisted calling themselves Christians). Imagine my shock when I realise that even Christian itself will have disagreements and conflicts. Catholics and Protestants have in fact showed displeasure when discussing about each of their religious issues even up to today. And History will have shown that the conflicts between the Bishops and the Pastor as disastrous. So what is wrong? Have God been split into two? Either way, each sides will have claimed that the outsourcing of their faith comes from their own sides [I do not know which side's version is true]. I think a religion should be homogenous. Even if there are some diversity, the discrepancy must not be too great to cause a quarrel and unhappiness or even tension. Do you see Buddhist monks in Shao Lin China arguing among basic beliefs with the Thailand Buddhist monks or Tibetian Buddhists today? (I do not want to hear people saying that I am being very bias by always depicting Buddhism as a better edge to Christians. This is not my point, for there are conflicts of interest too when Buddhism becomes politics, and desires become greed, from history to present. Even for other religions, same conflicts also occur even today.)

Having a slightly different opinions, does not necessary mean that you are a devil, a Lucifer or Satanic. In fact Saturn in pagan Romans (Latin: Saturnus) was a major Roman deity of agriculture. He was identified in classical antiquity with the Greek deity Cronus, and the mythologies of the two gods are commonly mixed. But to the Christians, Saturn is evil and a devil, anti-thesis to God. In fact, our day, "Saturday" comes from the word Roman pagan "Saturn". So if Saturn is so evil, then Saturday must be an unholy day. Is this true? All of us will have to ask ourselves, for a day we spent on leisure; For some, half a day on work; And a day just before the renewed week day "Sabbath" (Sunday, and the day which is percieved to be the rest day of monothelite God); Is Saturday dangerous?

Number 6 and anything regarding to 6 is holy to the Sumerians, who are widely accepted to be the first civilisation in the world to fit the characteristics of civilisation. This is why we have 60 minutes as 1 hour, 60 seconds as 1 minute. Sumerians are the one who break up our time, and this framing and application of time principles has been used even today. 6,60 and 360 are holy numbers to Sumerians and Eygptians (This is why Eygptians break their annual year to be 360 days plus 5 days of celebration of Eygptian Gods). Anything with a 6. In fact, the SUmerians respect "6" so much that it eventually become part of the symbols of their important gods.
There is some logic behind this. idolisation of "6" If you prefer to look into Mathematical concept, 60 is the smallest integer that can divided by 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. However this is not a proof but a theory as to why any 6 is significant to the Sumerians. (Read more on Sumerians and their civilisations)
So even if there is 6 6 6, to the ancient Sumerians, they will not shout "Devils!" but instead "Holy!".

Many of my Christian friends will never have known the true history of Jeus Christ. (I will like to stress MANY and not all. However the situation has become so lousy that I can only say 10% of the Christians I met are amiable and comfortable enough not to be narrow-minded.)
Or that they simply refuse to believe history and facts even when there are evidences proven in texts and literature of not one but many cultures. They never look back to history in which their faiths are based. They will resolutely close their eyes when even evidences are presented, shut their ears when some narrative texts are being given. Without using their senses and a open and proper mentality, they then conclude that the others are wrong and heretic. This will indeed make me shake my head even more and walk away sighing. I will have asked, since I always choose to listen to them, but why do I not get the equal treatment.

I will cringe when everythings seems to be only answered as "God wants it this way". This is a lazy explanation to me. It seems that "God" to those friends of mine, is the absolute key that can open any puzzles in the world. This may be true, philosophically speaking, but is very flimsy, and a weak answer. Technically, who wants "God wants it to be this way ..." in every aspects of our lives. When we used Science to explain, then those friends of mine will have said, "Ah! It is God who want the Science to be this way ..." (Or the meaning will go to God who create Science and not humans). But those friends of mine almost forgot that during the early periods, especially from the 15th century, every Scientists or the people who believed in Science have been condemned and persecuted by the Christians until the recent centuries, when Science is widely accepted and recognised. It seems that it is the "In-Charge"s who want it this way, and not truly the God in the recent centuries. At this point of time, those friends of mine will feel so offended that I become their "enemy" and worst, "Devils", right away. They will accuse me of being blasphemous, sacrilegious and irreverence to God. They refuse to talk to me and open up further conversations, just because I think I have pointed out some issues. This is why I learnt my lessons well, and plainly do not talk anything about religions or even History and Philosophy in front of them. To me, they are still not open-minded and mature enough to listen to points. I believe a TRUE God will not punish a person who just want to clarify issues. Instead, indiscriminate refusals and denial are just pure glibberish and a big insult to God.

Taking only a narrow view that the Bible is ALWAYS real and DEFINITELY a true answer to all is dangerous. To me, I have always feared that my friends will be easily manipulated and be abused by people especially from the "above" who are waiting to fulfill their own dark selfish desires.

(A word of advise to the preachers ...)
A good preacher must in fact be responsible, to practise what they preached. To know the content of his/her religion well. Do not discriminate information and conclusions. Do not dismiss others readily. Get the facts right before insisting on further issues. Do not choose to ignore certain facts and issues. Do not deselect others readily, and most importantly do not be aggressive and forceful. It is not a competition but a matter of conviction. Open-mindness will help a lot, respecting others and making your point gently, firmly and cohesively will be the best way. Arguments are inevitable, but never be hostile. Momentously, Always listen and hear what others got to talk about.

I am not saying Bible is wrong, but it is important to understand the Bible, instead of closing both eyes and throwing the other books away. I have even harboured the thought that if there are lesser hostility form the pioneer and our ancestors of Christianity, then perhaps, there will be more followers and true followers today. Some lies, cover-up and conspiracy no doubt will have casted the negative light on this GREAT religion. If Christianity is built on total pureness and truthness, I believe that even skeptics will be won over. But alas, sometimes, it is the humans, and that humans will always be selfish and leads to politics, and this affects the pureness of a religion. Eventually it is the humans who interpret and write the Bible. Even if it is from God's or Christ's original sayings, other humans can still be wrong (Either by motives or error) while compiling the information.

It is important to take note that Christian is not the ONLY source of faith. Its faith arises from merging and acquiring of the earlier civilisations' faiths such as from the pagan. And over the year, Christianity has evolved and processed and make itself up to date to become today. Example will be the Emperor Constantine and his bishops actually allowed only 4 Gospels (John,Mark,Luke and Matthew) to be the basis of the Bible today. (Christians must remember that it is the Romans who persecute them, but ironically Romans are also the one that help their Religion to grow and become today.) [However, Constantine who is a life-long pagans might have a darker political motive for his conversion of faith.]

The other Gospels including the controversial Gospel of Judas have actually existed but was purposefully ignored because of the clashing beliefs of the 4 basic Gospels and other various reasons. Other famous Gospels will be Gospel of Peter (St.Peter who is an important apostle, yet his Gospel is not accepted by Constantine and Bishops), Thomas and even Mary Magdalene. However, the "Heads" particularly the Vaticans have labelled the writers and believers of the other Gospels as Gnostics (Which is not really a compliment). Worst, some Gnostics who simply have a different but reasonable opinions are even condemned as Heretics and Devils by the people in power.

Christ's birthday,Good Friday and Easter; the REAL last supper; John the Baptist; the story of Simon (The rival of Christianity at Roman time); Eucharist (also called Holy Communion, or the Lord's Supper)—a ritual in which small amounts of bread and wine are consecrated and then consumed; Mary and Jeus resemblance to Isis and Horus. All of the above should be checked with the Bible and historical contexts so as to gain a further understanding. And that Christians, no matter Protestants, Catholics or even Jenovah's Witness should gain that further insights and apprehension of their own faith. In fact, many words conceived may not be from Jeus Himself but "St.Paul", an avid follower and also apostle of Jeus Christ and the father of Churches. (His teachings are quite wide-spread, and is found in modern context today such as the Holy Trinity for Catholics)

Not only the Christians, but in fact all the other religions in the world should have this type of healthy mentality. Scholars and the Historians should have the utmost responsibility in providing good and proper religious interpretations and facts. While the "In-Charge"s of the religions should be accountable in what they preached to their followers. Certainly, politics, selfishness, dominance, greed and discrimination will surface
once certain powers are derived. Nonetheless, if everyone will to have open-mindedness, to be receptive and impartial, to be unbiased and amenable, then the world will be a better and peaceful place.

(Note: I am not anti-Christians. Neither do I want to offend all. But that I hope that Bible may be a key to the answer, but it is not the "ONLY" key to answer. I respect this religion, but still facts and fiction must always have a line, the invisible line of "Limits".)

The Jews(or Israelites) which descended from Hebrews and the Arabians should know that they descent from one. They are Semitics, and from the same source. They should in fact look at their history, as to how their ancestors successfully co-exist, and to work towards a better future.

I believe they will respect and appreciate each other more, and lesser conflicts and no wars(Example will be the modern Israel and the Middle-East ongoing wars) will have occured, if they are more open-minded and the remembrance that they in fact share the same ancestors. Even their religions are of the same source, Islam and Christians; The Qurans and the Holy Bible. There is Old testaments including the ten commandents, then the New testaments. The source and the beginning from the book, Genesis. At first, Judaism, follow by a more compiled Christianity, then Islam, Catholics and then the movement Protestants, follow by many. People simply has overlooked the importance of History ...

Which fathers and mothers will want to see their sons and daughters fighting against each other over mudane affairs?

Such is the Close-mindedness and selfishness of the Humans ... Hai~~ ... Indeed, "So Dark the Cons of Man ..." [From the Da Vinci's code] ...

(Edited on 31/5/2006, 0040 hrs, Wednesday)

The ChOiCe ...

On 13th May 2006, I have gone to the Grand Hyatt Hotel Singapore for a high tea talk hosted by NTU School of Biological Science. I am still contemplating and have not accepted fully yet online ....

But I have decided that I will enter this "prestigious" course nonetheless.

I do realise I have accompany, an ODAC friend of mine who has already accepted the choice of the double degree course.

Uncertainty still dwells inside me, but at least it is still a decision I have made. When I was in Primary 6, I do not even have the priviledge of making a clear choice. I was too blurred, too immature and too obscured in my cloudy brain to choose carefully and correctly. And to make a clear cut choice for my school. I had not even input the thought of the choice that will affect the next 4 years of my life.

Choices are meant to create fate, though fate will also influence choices.

I have made many choices in my life and of course fews are a matter of life and death according to my NPCO (Policeman) experience. There is always this instances that choices will become gambles. It is sometimes in the hope of achieving a desirable outcome and result that we made a choice.

No matter what types of choices we made, it will always be a gamble. SOmetimes, even a gamble of both positive outcomes but as to which one is better than the other. The gamble can even be meaningless if both choices seem to be on equal footings.

The word "gamble" might be a little bit too extreme. But likewise, in the concept of winning and losing, the investments and to increase the chance of winning, we always "look out" for a "better gmable". We calaculate and balance the pros and cons, the benefits and the amount of pain prior to the sacrifice, the memory portion, the similar experiences to present choices we obtain and own in our personal history ... All in our thoughts, in our brains ... Then only we can make the most wise decision, a wise choice.

Of course choices can be further explained in different catergories of choices. IN answering academics, it is of course a different way of making choices. Some of these choices can be reversible as in changing the choice of answers as in practices and exams before sumbitting. Or in some scenarios, doing wrong steps can in fact help you gain useful experiences and insights even though there is a feeling of the pain of losing going on.

The "choices" that I chiefly mean in my present blog are choices and decisions that are going to affect my life, a big one, choices that subject to my circumstances. There may be no wrong or correct, but there is no turning back. It is just in the hope that there are no poignancy involved in future aspects. And rather it is very hard to point out the negatives or the positives, and therefore a gamble ... When both different choices seem to be the one you want, and you know you can only have one, then you will have to sacrifice the other ...

The topic of choices can be a book long and endless pages flowing on in the explanation and defining of choices, or simply the philosophy of choices. Therefore I will discontinue the blabbering of choices for now ...

Just as my final decision on my religion, I hope I can become a firm and wise decision-maker, a good and great leader and a sagacious and erudite MAn who has more than luck to make good choices ... May answer to alternatives always be with me .... !!!

[I have touched on the topics of Choices before, and it seems history will always repeat itself - I have found myself making decisions that are going to affect my life tremendously. Making choices will always be with us, no matter in a free or conservative society. It is just that free society will have allowed us to make tons of more choices than usual. I have also noted before in my blog that having too much choices may make a person confused and it takes plenty of will and decision-making to make a painful choice out of many and a gamble that you hope you will not regret ...]

To Keep Things Fast And Short ...

It has been quite a time since blogging in. Recently I am quite busy. Other than experiencing a "bad" time in my current unit in NS, I have many things to do. For instance books. For people who do not know me well will definitely say that I am a nerd. Recently, adding to the piles of books which I have burrowed from friends and library, I burrowed some more comics and books and many animes from my friends. Phew, how am I going to finish reading and watching those things within a short period of time? Even though I do not have the timeline given by my friends, by touching my heart, I feel that it is in my best consience, that I return things to them asap. No stress .... Phew ....

I have recently put some sayings in my work life. They might be lame or bull shit, nonetheless there still contain many principles of mine.

"Anything can play, I play"
"I might not have the experience, but I definitely got the DISCRETION"
"Although I am not a gentleman, I am definitely a Man"
"The Word (Lecherous) above is a [Dangerous] knife"
"Meh,meh, I am a lamb, I am slaughtered to advertise ..."
"In the Police World, You don't have a choice ..."

(COntinued ...) [I will elaborate all these terms and the rationale behind them if I got the time ...]

I have even told all my colleagues I am a guy who is circumstancial. Do not misconstrue the meaning as to I will stand on any side that is the most powerful at the moment. Or I like to sit on the fences. This is not true, as a Man who supposedly should have a code of principles to abide, I should have a firm decision and a stand with objectives and causes. Nonetheless, only in NS will I be low-profile, but will "rise to the occasions" when need be. I will be soft-spoken at times, keeping mum and silent at times, and can be vocal and noisy when the situations need me or when I feel that there is a need to.

But in life, I should not have this type of thinkings, or I will not achieve great but simply a "straight line" (Constant line, never improving) ... To me, Dream Big, Do Big ...

I got a big news from NTU. Imagine my glee, that I do not need to go for interview and have been accepted to the double degree of Biomedical and TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine).

But, this is only the beginning, for I will have another 5 years and my future to count as to whether I am going to achieve success in my life. I have much to prove and perhaps plenty to contribute. Just keep Swimming ... And from now on, if I have the time, I will go to National Library to get a head start to see what my courses is all about. (... Just keep swimming ...) If not for NS, I will not miss the BeiJing 2008 Olympics Game (As the last 2 years of the double degree courses is in BeiJing) [I will only be going there in 2010 if all things go well].

Hai~~~ In life, you gain, you lose ... Like the cycle of Luck I have explored in my former blog ...

Arigo Para Slempre !!!
Amiego Paras Slempre !!!

My life continues ... And the review of the faith

Well, it has been a long long time since I have blogged. To be frank, I am very busy and lack the diligence to input blog when I am lethargic and tired. I have finished a number of books that are useful, and also, I still have many anime to watch.

Life has been quite normal. I have met up with my old friends. And this friend of mine , same age as me, and married with a 3 month old son. I cannot believe it. Many of my friends, same age as me, are marrying yet I am not only a single, but what my colleagues like to call me Virgin Boy. I do not even have a girlfriend. LoL.

Anyway, all these are normal and I do not want to subject myself to peer and kins pressure to get a relationship (Cause I feel that is stupid). I have read up on Buddhist scripture here and then. It seems I still cannot get the word "She" (Or Female desire in Chinese) out of my mind. "She" can in fact be viewed as very negative like lust. For now, I cannot get the "She" outof me totally, maybe due to my hormones and my environment. Nonetheless, although I am not a gentlemen, I am a Man, that abide by codes of principle.

Or worse with nowadays liberty, desire can be a little bit awry, like homosexuality or worse unnatural sexual relationships with different species. Of course the awry desire is very yucky and I cannot comprehend all these feelings of people who somehow think on the other line.

There is always a line, sometimes invisible, known as limits. Whatever we do, we cannot step over this line, or else, bad things will happen. Not only for relationships, but for all the things in the world, in principle, there is always this line, and you will have to choose whether you want to cross over the line and face the consequences.

Maybe it is my hormones ... But the fact that I believe that Frontal lobe can control cerebellum, neurones and nerves over hormones ... Logic over blind emotions ... Pragmatism and Practicality over blind faith ...

I have read up both Buddhist scriptures and the New and Old Testaments (The summarised Bible) in one day. This makes me think there is something to be compared between the two religion. Although there is some sensitivity, the line of "Limits" thy will remember.

I realised it seems that the God from the starting age of Adam to the Israelis have always been supporting war while favouring a group of people, especially the descendants of Abraham, Solomon, Daniel and so on to Jeus Christ. What I do not like is the fact that God actually support war. Insteadof changing the people by compassion, He actually sent floods, plague and disaster to "kill off", eliminate and eradicate the so called bad people, or in even in some case, simply people that do not believe in him, or those that worship idols as a form of other beliefs. Example will be that it seems Noah Of Ark and his family are the only good guys around, and the rest of the people at that time are all scums that have to be destroyed by Gods. This is a little bit strange for even if a person is good and kind-hearted but does not believe in God orNoah, then he/she will then be destroyed by floods. There are even some cases when God actually claim that he only "talk through" some people because He trust them more than the others. And He will want all the people in the world to listen to those people He talk through. Of course, this will cause a lot of misunderstandings as the thought of abuse of power will always come into the minds of the others and we cannot blame the people for thinking this way as there are enough examples in the world to prove. I hate the fact that War, no matter what strange correct wars they are, seem to be right and correct to Almighty God. And he always show favourism to a couple of people whom He want to talk through. What does this show, there are even politics in the eye of God?

Imagine if Ghandi were to follow this concept and to wage the so called "right" war of independence of India against the British empire, what will have happen?

Maybe there is God in the world. But I think God does many things most of the time for the good of Mankind, even sometimes the medicine are very bitter. But still, it is improper to say that God totally do not make mistake. A saying is God is actually human, but He cando things that the humans cannot do...

I am not saying that Buddhism is perfect. Buddhism is in fact not perfect and Buddha himself is not a God but I like its logic and pragmatism. Of course Kharma can somtimes be too fair that people cannot accept. The good thing about Buddhist is that they will be given chance if they saw the "light" and understand the "Tao"and simply gaining enlightenment. But at least compassion will be given to people. Logical pragmatic views, stories and philosophy will be given to people who have all the negative thoughts, while giving punishments to the people who have done wrong through Kharma. To rehabilitate or to re-educate rather than just eliminate ...

I understand this comparison of mine will trigger off some displeasure among the Christians. I am not extolling whatever religions are good, but about what I feel that leads me to some thinking about which belief and faith I have chosen. Some people choose to believe without logic and thinking. Even blind faiths have objectives.

I am not a staunch supporter of Christianity, but I am not anti-Christian. Neither am I object fully to this great religion. Some of the things like the commandments I do agree upon as the basis of humans and certain morality. Like the invisible line, there is a limit in all of our heart ....

Hmm ... To strike a balance and as a libra, it is not easy ....

(Anyway, the most recent Saturday, Qing Ming Festival ... I went to Pulau Ubin to ""visit"" my Grandfather. My ancestors all reside at Pulau Ubin since long time ago. Only recently do there come to SIngapore to settle down ... As usual, I have many fun at Pulau Ubin ... The food at Changi Village is Glorious ... Hahah ... Long words, short words ... Pardon ...)

The long "awaited" blog ...

The reason why I took so many days to blog is that I cannot truly find time in blogging ...

Anyway, yesterday, I went to Suntec City Convention Hall to attend the career seminar with my best friend. I definitely learnt a lot of new information about different types of job, and most importantly, the Jobstreet Career Profiling. (The result I obtained shows that I belong to the characteristics of Sunstainability for the Position Reports of Job Profiling and jobs that require managerial skills suits me well) [Some of the things inside this reports are of course not very true, nonetheless, I will take note of the points]

I saw many of my friends there. I also got to interact with the professionals. It is important to get some contacts and also some knowledge about the Singapore job prospects. Soon to come, I will be offically part of the workforce (Hopefully Ëmployer cum invester cum professional forces) of the World ....

At the police section, I happened to see my former division alas Bukit Panjang NPC TL and a OCT friend of mine. I have always known that he will be part of the "ädvertisers" as he is very eloquent and charismatic enough.

All in all, people might say there is no need to go to this type of fair for various reasons like currently at lower education or NS. But to me, having to find the time to go to this type of fair to take as look is vital. Building up contacts are the most important thing in doing business or even for professionals. Nonetheless, I admit the people there are more interested in 21 Years and above rather than my "ÿoung" age ...

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(Start on March 5th, but updated 22/5/2006)

(I realise that I am very busy nowadays, and therefore will have to compromise my time on blog. From now on, I will have to try to input as light as possible ... Pardon....)

During last Saturday, I also went to NTU for a visit with my friend. Of course, I happened to meet many of my friends there and we walk around the college together. I am particularly interested in the double degree course of the traditional chinese medicine and biomedical. It fulfills my desire for the both of East and West goodies blended together. It also allows me to face my innate desire for chinese medicine. But the fear of my grades not good enough to enter the courses made me drop this choice last year while I applied for university. Butfear will always stop me and I will never get to move forward in my life. Therefore, I made a secret vow that I will try even though if I cannot succeed. I am waiting for the interview hopefully for the TCM.

Anyway, I have also met many professors along the way. I get to explore certain laboratory and is deeply impressed by the Bioengineering side. What shock me is the fact that there is a very young associate professor at the counter of the Bioengineering in the school of Biology. Boy, this lady is only 25 Years old. And furthermore she claimed she is a twin.

(I might be wrong in some views such as that the courses in NTU is perfect. Nothing is perfect, and there might be a misconception of the double degree courses. Nonetheless, I still have the opportunities to look at the World with both side. One is Yin and another is Yang, but Yin and Yang are balanced harmoniously to exist as a circle. This is why, this course I believed will be up to the individual to prove how they can balance Yin and Yang ...)

After Chinese New Year ... And the Valentine ... The Big step of the Big step

AT the last day of Chinese New Year, also the 15th day of the Lunar New Year and known as Yuan Xiao Festival, I accompanied my Mum and my sister to the River HongBao at the Esplanade via Singapore River. (It is very regretting that I cannot input the pictures into my blog for now, but I will find ways ...) I have many beautiful pictures at the great celebration and bazzar. To add to the climate, there was fireworks, sparking and beautifying the sky. There is also the giant God of Wealth who will sprinkle golden papers here and there onto the people. There are also 12 Zodiac Figures (Enshrined with the Chinese fables characters like the Monkey god and Madam white snake) and fortunes board of all the Zodiac in this year of Dog. The atmosphere was so dear as the New Year celebration is to be ushered off.

Yuan Xiao is the last day of Chinese New Year, and it has its own traditions and origins. Traditions are very much alike the Mid-Autumn Festival and Winter Solistice Festival, except for the mooncake part. Yuan Xiao is also associated as a type of Valentine Day for this is an opportune occasion for girls and boys to socialise and make friends (Do not mix up with the Seventh Day of the Seventh Month, The Cowherd and the Weaving Girl which is also known as Chinese Valentine Day). On this day, bachelor and bachelorette will gather at bazzars to watch lightings and laterns. Guessing games (especially words) competition will also be held. People do drink and eat and watch the Moon under the sky. As it is the 15th day, the moon is usually round and bright. And also, people do eat glutinious flour riceballs on this day.

Yuan Xiao is actually the name of a maid. During the reign of Emperor Wu Di of Han dynasty, there is a well-known adviser known as DongFang Shuo who saw Yuan Xiao trying to jump into the well to commit sucide in the imperial garden. Of course, DongFang Shuo stopped her and after enquiry, know that Yuan Xiao had tried to kill herself due to homesickness and the disconsolation. Yuan Xiao feel helpless as she was unable to do anything to go back to her hometown to visit her family and friends. DongFang Shuo then devised a plan to help Yuan Xiao and the other maids in the palace. He cooked up a story about the Chang'an (The capital of the Han Dynasty) disaster and fire on the 15th of Chinese New Year, and then with the help of Yuan Xiao who acted as a "messenger" from Heaven, spread the rumours throughout the villages and cities. The rumours spread wildly about the anger of Jade Emperor over the World and He who want to destroy the capitial. This caused some panic in citites. The emperor was stunned about the news and seek DongFang Shuo for advice. DongFang advised that the entire city will be lit up and be full of brightness, and firecrackers and fireworks be released. Lanterns had to be put up on all streets and alleys on the night of 15th. As the fire gods like to eat glutinous riceballs, all the villagers will to make the delicious item. DongFang Shuo suggested that since Yuan Xiao made the best glutinous rice balls, she was to carry a palace lantern with her name written on it to pay homage to the fire diety. DongFang Shuo also suggests releasing the maids and servants from the palace for the day of 15th by itself so as to induce gaiety in the palace itself. Beacuse of DongFang Shuo's brilliant plan, the maids especially Yuan Xiao were able to meet the family and reunited. Indeed, there are no "big fire" on the 15th, and DongFang Shuo petitioned the Emperor to allow the palace occupants and the common people to mingle. The sagacious Emperor gracefully agreed. Beacause the glutinous riceballs were made by Yuan Xiao on the 15th of the first Lunar month, the people also called the glutinous riceballs Yuan Xiao. The festival is also known as Yuan Xiao Festival. *(Glutinous riceballs are called Yuan Xiao in Northern China and Tang Yuan in Southern China) [Most of our parents come from the parts of Southern China, therefore until today, we still have the habit of calling glutinous riceballs as Tang Yuan in Sinagpore]

I was amazed and estatic about the River HongBao. I promised myself that I will go again if I am free.

Anyway, I am free and at home on the official day of Valentine ... I wonder whether I should be proud or to be sad to be a bachelor ... Heehee ... Anyway, I still have plenty of things to do. I have always said Career and Romance should come together, and neither should influence each other, and that the integrity of both should not be compromised. Nonetheless, if I got time, and no fate, then I should focus on career. For now, I am quite busy. I am more busy at home than at work in my NS.

Today, I have finally gone out to the road to drive. Of course, as this is the first time, it is not easy for me. I always caused the engine to die off and that I sill have not master the Art of driving smoothly. To drive is easy, but to drive smoothly is a skill. (Never mind, I will do it) I believe myself ...

There is a saying, there are plenty of suave grasses and beautiful flowers everywhere, so for all the singles, do not be disheartened. Be OPTIMISTIC !!! Believe in yourself and do it smoothly, and all will be smooth ...

Finally, the updates in Chinese New Year...

After so many days of Chinese New Year (9 days), do I have the time to sit down and input blog. Since the Chinese New Year eve, I have been going to many places to Bai Nian or for visits. For the first Seven Days, I have reserved the visits specially for my relatives, from my close and blood-related one to the distant relatives. Many relatives, I can still recognise though forgetting many of the terms to address them. They too acknowledge me and admit that my face structure has been very constant, and not chnaging much since many years. The visits are also the time to polish up on my presposterous Hokkien, much to my embarassment.

On the Seventh day of Chinese New Year, and also supposedly all of our birthday (If you know what I mean ...), I went to the biggest vegetarian feast ever at Suntec City Convention Hal. This is organised by the Singapore Buddhist Federation, who had gone on the fund raising activities for the building of the new heritage and temple that will house the teeth and relics of Buddha, Sakyamuni. It is a wonder that the relics can be stored for so long considering the fact that Sakyamuni is bornt at 565 BC, 2565 years ago. This Human Day, is also unique to the South-East Asian, as Asean nations, especially from the Malay Archipelago (Including Singapore) will "Lao Yu Shen", or eating auspicious foods mixed with sour and sweet sauces. This "Yu Shen" is actually an idiosyncrasy created by Singaporeans. Even the East Asia like China and Taiwan are not very aware of this "Yu Shen". This is why we Singaporeans should be proud that such a delicious and unique food actually belongs to us. And on the Seventh Day of Chinese New Year, I have actually "Lao" 3 times "Yu Shen". Human day is a special day for "Yu Shen", even though there are no restrictions for the consumption of "Yu Shen" during Chinese New Year.

There are 2 special things today.

Today is the birthday of Tian Gong, or the Jade Emperor of Heaven in Chinese and Taoist cultural. Therefore many believers wil pray to Him with sumptous food and goodies, and of course with many incense papers. Yesterday, midnight, and also the beginning of today, I have followed the procedures and the tradition earnestly. It is quite a prospect considering the fact that (I am glad) I have a strong background and tradition that I can, and I will pass on.

Today is also the day when I passed my Final theory test. Yippeee ... I can start the private lessons of driving very soon. I have contacted the private instructor, and most likely 6 months later, I will be going to the practical test. Whoo ... Whoo ... I keep on lamenting the fact that I cannot enter the NPCO course, and go to a smooth route of learning driving. If Heaven do not bestow me the chance and smooth path, then I will have to achieve on my own, though the route will be a harder one.

[Below are my laments, and therefore viewers can choose to elude the below passage]
(I have always questioned the fact that thou coming to SOC is a curse or blessing. And to a certain extent, sometimes I allow emotions to overcome me, and I will treat my whole episode of life at SOC as the curse, and damn the entire thing. Nonetheless, after a good sleep, I am still glad that anyway, from a pragmatic prospective, I will always have to compare African with myself. I am having a very good life now, living healthily, and still, affluent enough to have good food to eat. I am not in the Army, eating shits from here and there and to other countries. I can go home everyday, and also off days. Thus, anyway, I am still lucky afterall, even though I will still admit that my NPCO life will have been better off, with many things "smoother" [Such as nearer location, a more family-like team, more freedom, more exciting and so on]. I might not have a smoother path, but all these will have to become a test for me. Life is confimed plus guaranteed not a bed of roses for me. Now that times are "bad", I still got IPPT to pass. I can barely regain my past glory nowaday ... Gotta train up ...)

Anyway, I will have many houses to visit, now reserved for my friends. Of course, going to more houses means receiving more "HongBao" (Heehee). But I am not that greedy, as to whether people want to give or not, I will still wish them a Happy New Year ...

Happy New Year to all, and my New Year wish is to have a smooth path, a smooth year, and a smooth way in doing all things. May everyone too, have all their wishes come true !!!

GongXiFaCai !!!

Chinatown ... (Chinese New Year Eve 2006 Today)

Last week, thou went to Chinatown with my Mum. Well, and what a splendid sight! There were new shopping stores opening after weeks of renovation. I heard from the shop owners that some of the old shops have given up on their rights after acknowledging that it is indeed not profitable to continue due to intense competition. After going around, I have to admit it is very true. Nowadays, doing business is not easy, especially it is relatively hard for SME, small-medium enterprises.

Anyway, of course the real shopping areas I will go is the annual bazzar. The crowd is not as many as I expected. Nonetheless, there are still many people at Chinatown. Tourists, Singaporeans of all ages, races and status.

I bought many things. All the goodies especially the custard cakes that are shaped in fish shape, (Yum,Yum) ...

Anyway, I have also gone to Chinatown again, this time with my friends. Not trying to act decent, indeed there are plenty of "things" to be seen.

2molow is the first day of Chinese New Year!!! Happy New Year to all !!! "Wang" year to all in the year of the dog ... And of course, Gong Xi Fa Cai !!!

Countdown to Chinese New Year ... 14 more days ... The updates of my life

Finally after the whole "busy" weeks, do I find some time to rest. I have a couple of updates in my life.

First, the Northstar V is over, on the day of 8/1/2005 (Thou involved deeply in this big exercise, and indefinitely will feel some pressure).

Thanks Goodness! I believe the media covers many aspect about this exercise and I refuse to pass comments about this exercise, as many of them is going to be negative. About how Civil Defence functions, and how "well" Singapore Home Team, and why the heck all of them are that fast! Of course, there are many commentable efforts well done by the Home Team. At least we really look well-done !!! I do believe in the technology and Know-How to handle all the chemicals attack and even explosives. Also, when dealing with a crisis, at least, all are united in the sense that we want to get the job well-done and get home. In real situations, I believe all of us will be more together, geared towards saving lives, and preserving peace and apprehend the perpetrators. There are no distinction of Malays and Chinese or Indian whatsoever, all of us are Singaporeans ... !!!

Second, I have finally found a tution job for my neighbour who is a Malay. It seems that I really get to teach people from different levels, age, education and status. And now races. Really, I am glad that I am given utmost opportunities. However, I feel awkard and stupid about the first session of tution. I do know some customs of Malays yet I forget to adhere to some of them, that I make the atmosphere quite still and make a real fool of myself. Beware, we must understand and respect the customs and traditions of different cultures, or else misunderstanding and ugly and awkard scenes might occur. It is not convenient for me to discuss what I have done, but fortunately for me, I do explain and my kind Malay neighbour brush my actions off.

Third, I suddenly realise that I have cramped myself with numerous books. Other than the Rich Dad series, which are a lot, I still have the Gu Long Gongfu Novel to finish. I also have the Time magazine, NewScientists and most importantly the daily Straits time and Zao Bao. Phew! I also have a business book to read and 2 fictions of the trilogy of Lord of the Ring and To kill a MockingBird. Adding to all these, I still have my Advance Driving theory to practise and learned. I am quite shagged. Of course, I will have to priortise well. The burrowed book from the library will have to be finished asap, so that they can be returned before the expire date. I really have plenty of things to do ...

I have finished reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I must say this book indeed has changed my mindset about striking it big, and how to be rich. How rich people view the idea of Money working for us instead of the other way round. Of course, I am not brainwashed as viewed by the cynics, but being more open. I will continue the next book, CashFlow Quadrant; Guide to investing; Rich Kid, Poor Kid and so on ... Robert is indeed a wise entrepreneur, although some of the concepts cannot work or simply do not exist in Singapore. His book is actually intended for US.

Anyway, this have also spurred me on in the doing of my "projects". And also, to find ways of earning big cash, doing business and the importance of building assets and passive incomes. I should have read this book earlier, but still, it is never late than ever.

In many sense, sometimes I am quite prompted to think what the pianst do, by avoiding drafting is correct as NS really hinders my path. But on thinking again, being pragmatic, loyal and selfless, is all about giving to the nation 2 years, Moreover, NS is becoming more and more "comfortable" compare to the past. And the year of serving the nation has been dramatically cut down. Also, serving NS do have advantage which I have stated before in my earlier entires.

Personally, I am consistently haunted by the "taoing" which cause me to lose my friend from the secondary school. I have written about this in the entry of the Mooncake festival. Anyway, I hope she is free and happy now, and never to meet guys like me again.

Anyway, my dreams of becoming microbiologist via Virologist have not changed even as I find ways to build assets for passive income. the future is unknown, yet uncertain. But I believe, I am at least given many opportunities, and thereby I should be realistic and satisfied with my life. To cherish the chances given, and to do the best, so as to elude the feeling of poignancy.

14 days to Chinese New Year, and still, I have not yet bought the goodies and also, go to the place I love, Chinatown. I have actually "patrolled" and "recee" the entire area ...

I will and I must go to that place, I promised ...

Happy New Year 2006 !!!

I feel really really obliged to input my reflections on 2005 and the new hopes and resolution in 2006. The year of Chicken is finally crowing away (And the sky is NOT falling - Chicken Little), and the year of Dog is barking very soon ...

Like I say, NS police is good in the sense that I can go home everyday (While wasting the time and money travelling, especially if you travel a great distance), but it is sickening whenever a festive season comes. This means that you will most likely to be recalled, or that you do crowd control at busy areas (or stations). People celebrate, while you are on duty, "protecting" the citizen of people of Singapore. It is very inconvenient for me to discuss what types of cases I always encountered, but it is always those few ...

Anyway, the year of 2005 is definitely a turning point for me, for it is the year I entered national service, right from the start. And Good Gorious, I am shocked that I entered the Police Force. But then, I have a great time at Tracom, Police Academy. For which, I passed out from the Basic Training months, and venture into Divisions. Then from there, I was again transferred to my present job and units. For this, I spent 1 week at the Police Academy for the Sergeant course.

For me, the Police Academy year is actually a nostalgic one, (not counting the fact that I was "tekang" here and there). And that I was nearly forced to go to Sentry, and luckily I was given an opportunity to go to NPC.

Hahaha ... Anyway, I was transferred here and there ... Choa Chu Kang NPC, which I learnt the most things, dealing with crooks, bastards, bitches, Ah Beng, Ah Lian and criminals. And also about human relationships, and the time to use soft approach first, then hard approach, eventually the Police way as the last resort. I learnt so much and was always bullied with work, and yet feel attached to CCK NPC. And yet, I was again relunctantly forced to leave that place to my present unit. I do not know whether it is good or bad, but that having a smooth year for 2005, is considered good already. I made many friends along the way. And that I have changed for the better. I have gone for courses and so on ...

Anyway, I have also worked on many projects (Pardon me for not elaborating). Though all seem to have failed, I felt that eventually I will succeed one day. I have also independently find myself tutees. Teaching different people from different ages and lives, from a mere Primary 1 to a person who is older than me. Anyway, I do not know whether I have taught them well, but at least, I have gained plenty and have done my best.

And so on, my New Year Resolutions: Get a driving license ASAP, find a real good Stead, ORD smoothly, Finishing my "Projects" well, Becoming financially independent, Gaining good Physique, Achieving more skills and many more ... (Along the year, I will have set more goals and resolutions)

And yet, there are plenty of challenges to finish, for which, one of the most important things is this Sunday, 8/1/2006 event. I feel a little bit pressured, and yet I cannot further elaborate on this.

And then, my new tutees, which I am responsible, and the driving licenses ... The ongoing "projects" ...

Life is challenges for me ... And I shall just keep moving, just keep swimming and DREAM BIG, DO BIG ....