Always look on the bright side of life ... tuttutututututu

Always look on the bright side of life, and most things will be fine. Well, I have served the people for around 1 month already. To be frank, I am really exposed to the real Singapore. I mean though I am a NS, but I work like a regular. Or even harder than some. Of course, when answering to the superior, the regulars will have to answer more.

Nonetheless, I am also quite fearful of what I am inputting might affect the OSA which I swore for the rest of my life. This is why I am limiting myself for writing out most of the cases I have attended.

But, sometimes being a frontline people, that faces the public, we have tremendous pressure when things happen. When you do things harder, the public will complain against you for being too harsh without discern effort. When you try not to do things the hard way, the public will still complain you for being slack. It seems I have gone back into a contradictory cycle, that is whatever I do, it seems that I am always wrong. This is life. Like what my Sir said to me, whatever you do, as long as you do it with a conscience, and all your actions are justifiable, then you do not fear and do what you deem. Sometimes public only see the back side and not the front, thus they will never know and heap abuses to you.

This made me notice that not only the police but many things have changed from the past. Though I am a newcomer and seem not to be in a position to comment, I have the disgression to see things. Last time, many civil servants command respect, but now it seems all of us have become a slave instead of servants. The respect we gain, which I like to joke from the symbol I have created from my 5 fingers, seems to turn into the 3rd finger now sticking out of people's hands. I am not commenting anything about the management or what, and I am NS and I don't even bother about the whole system and just want to serve the 2 years to repay the country. But most of the time, the regulars will be the one to suffer. Unlike the big shots, normally the older people and the lower education qualification face many injustice.

Alas, I do not even know about the whole things of SciFi. Am I destined to succeed, or I will become a reject. Everyone holds the destiny in their hands. I have grown to be more mature, as I realise I am more mature than what I think of myself. When I look at some of the childlish actions of the regulars though they are at least 5 years older than me, I shake my head and come to a sudden realisation that I am quite mature. For the professionalism, well I am still learning. Just keep swimming.

In fact for the last 18 years, I am glad to meet many people, friends whom I learnt from. In my secondary school, I managed to enter the best class, with high academics, many foreigners and many good characteristics and also many high-flyers. That class I know many of us will become very successful in life. For my primary school, I get surprise and sadness too.

It seems people change but sometimes they change too fast, or they change the wrong way. Hai~~~ But, anyway I hope for the best for all I have met. Secondary school is my turning point, JC is my differentiation, NS will be my gradient and uni will be differentiation, and in life the conclusion and reusing what I learnt, Integration in my life. A subtle Mathematician will not understand what I meant.

For the stupid things I have written in my blog, I decide not to delete them, for the sake of reminiscence and reflection that I will never be like this in the future. So forgive me, for those people implicated into the mess of words I have created.

A mere reflection, ....., May the force be with me ..... (I still have not watch due to overwhelming crowds Damn .....)

Bye Blog, as thou shall treat you as my friend, though a non-living but with the intricate spirits ...

Btw, add 3 new sections:

Thou shall endure smoking (From my friends), but will never purchase, trade or use or consume the cigarettes or cigars no matter what happens ... Thou will try to elude the smoke whenever possible to prevent myself from becoming a hardcore smoker ...

Thou shall belittle drugs, condemn any form of illegal and harmful drugs which was abused by any people, and will never purchase, trade or consume any forms of illegal and detrimental drugs ....

Thou shall only allow a small portion of alcohol, to be drank, at an acceptable level where thou will not lose my conscience and humane and will not pose any dangers to me and others .... Purchase of alcohol beverages thou shall comply legally ...

Thou can gamble but never to an extent of using my surplus or savings, never to reach more than 5 % of my earnings and savings, and never to burrow any single cents for gambling ...

(My personal that is subjective: I will never buy 4D or Toto or Soccer bets or something like this sorts including the lottery tiackets for myself. For others, It will be flexible. This will be consider gamblings. For stock markets, it will be my disgression but to ensure that I will not invest blindly and indiscriminately and ensuring my surplus is ensured)

Gambling to me means allowing stakes especially of monetary values to be used as ante for gaming, that includes casino games to lottery. Shares will be excluded from this term, but is carefully monitored.

[Writing this "law" for myself will ensure that I can behave myself and not let myself loose. Of course, I cannot possibly punish myself, but to treat myself as robots and to follow this "programs". Plus the casino is coming and I am exposing to a lot of craps, thus I have to be careful, face it correctly and tactfully while I cannot elude the craps in my life ...]

Me, myself and my life ...

I do not know why. At least for every single stage of life, I am going to make a person hate me. Why? Is it really about me? About my problems. About my negative character. Why do I not think of the repercussion? Why do I not think properly before I make things open and public? If I did not stop this insane action, I am going to end up hurting more friends and myself than ever. Why? Now I must really be sure that the person will acknowledge me before I can see that I can give comments. And also, I must really be sure I know the people. hai!! What is pride? What is ego? There are just a passing dream. 18 years later, and a new hero is bornt. I made many people misunderstand me. My intention. Make scathing remarks. Hahah!!! I am now waiting for the retribution. Do not know why? After every mistakes I made, I am bound to meet with retribution. Better to accept the retribution by myself on Earth now, than to carry it to my graves or to perturb my friends and family. I am a person who firmly believe that, I work for the people, and not the other way round - the people work for me.

Shocking and astounding, disturbing and very real. Everything I think of, to make myself positive, a long long way to go. It is a total setback to my path of mature and enlightenment. How can I ever be so childish, stupid to make sacarstic remark on impulse on a friend or at least an acquaintance. Darn it. Hai~~ Anyway, all is over and I hope everything is in order. Hopefully she and her friend will never get to meet a jerk like me. Never in their lives.

And I should stop acting like a jerk.

I realise that this blog thing is very open. So open that it is scary. The whole world can see my thoughts. Even thoughts that are sensitive enough. Perhaps it is my mistake to make diaryisblog things. Diary should have a limitation of secrecy. But too bad, only the blog can provide me with good computerised effect. If only, I can limit some people watching my blog. Think there are these systems already, but need to pay money....

The only good things and afterthoughts I can see in the whole "myjerk" incident and the openess of the blog is that I have managed to clear a fateful misunderstanding though at an expense of not only one but many friendships, sadly. But also, I am roused, woke up and horrified to this scary personality of mine. I am going to imprison that in the permanment jail in my brain. The good or don't know bad thing is if I have kept quiet, at least people will have good impression of me. But when I open my mouth, all things went loose. I think I will rather let the people view me as the real person. I hate hypocrisy but still want people to view me as a good-will person, not a jerk.

An unexpected sudden realisation but all was real, true, bona fide. Hai~~ Some mistakes cannot be afford to be done. To minimise this, I have to gain insights from other people's mistakes so that I do not need to do their mistakes and end up losing something to learn something.

Hai!!! May goodness be upon me. May the force be with me. May the dark side of me be sealed forever.

This "myjerk" incident also shows me that sometimes only immediate and suitable openess can clear all airs. If the "bad air" is stored too much, then it will eventually explode. This is why airs, good or bad must be cleared off periodically and systematically and tactfully. Or else all will be lost and all will remain damp, and I will be poignant and regretful. I promise myself I will not be like this, but hai!!! the inevitable.

Anyway, Vesak day coming. Wish all the Buddhists or even the world a Happy Vesak Day!!! To me all the festivals in the world may seem insignificant to the others, but they are all worth celebrating, together or as a whole Homo Sapiens.

For the part on the anti-pathology, I realise microbs in the world are not just entitled to humans only. Microbs that harm animals are equally as potent as the humans one. As all are linked in the ecosystem. There is this theory on aggressive symbionant, that states that microbs jump species to affect another species so as to defend the symbiotic species by themselves. Just like how ants protect the trees from sloth. Likewise, I believe as humans clear more forests, there will be more nasty surprises for them. Just like the shocking HIV and Marburg Virus.

And now at police, it is not that I do not want to be mature, but in dealing with things, I have to, It is mandatory for me to be professional and mature. Though the word mature seems to haunt me from the "myjerk" incident.

May all be well. Very regretful of not attending college day, even when my teachers invite me. Got to work night shift. Alas, that is for the shift work life. I have weird off-days. My friends on weekends whereas I am in weekdays. Hai~~~. But I am going to watch star wars. May be the force with me, and to hell to the "Welcome to the dark side".

Though it seems that it is very hard to meet my friends together, I make it an effort. And also, hooray, I find my will to train my fitness. Hahah.. May all be well for me, and may the goodness be upon my friends and family. Thou shall value all friendships and kinships.

And a golden line that will never be removed forever in my brains "Thou can tolerate homosexual, but never to participate, be part of it and support it, no matter what happens..."

The new principles I have added. Soon, I am going to add the smoke one. As for the alcohol there will be come flexibilities. (It seem that I myself set laws for myself hahah, as long as they are good to me, do not harm others, why not?)

Bye blogs, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU AND US !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thinking of the thoughts ...

A rain has come, because Sky is disconcerted by the stupidity of the humans, whom were treated as a friend but did not appreciate anything. The humans has for many a time, make atrocious comments to Sky just because the humans saw the outside of the sky. For once, as the rain fell, the humans know that they do not know the sky enough. What sky pursue, all other skys of the other planets follow. And just because the sky pursue a better skies, this does not mean that that the sky is obsessed with the other skies. As the rain fell, drop by drop, onto the humans' skin, do they realise a terrible grave mistake. The world is big, of course, and with the endowment of intelligence, the humans are free to spread their opinions and thinkings. But the humans did not realise that sensitive is still sensitive. By speaking freely without consequences, blabbering nonsense, they have unleashed the forbidden words, and cause utter disturbing incidents to the sky and maybe to themselves. The humans have indeed always want to seek a better enlightenment, and maybe, the sky has always tolerated humans' nonsense. Now how can the humans claim that they can be more "enlightened". How can the humans claim that they are not back to their primitive states by stating laughable and stupid things. The rain fell because the sky still treat humans as a friend, as part of the world it owns. But the humans' action merely disintegrated what all was lost. The friendship and misunderstanding that may eventually disappear.

The humans are not comforted by the "rain" and thunderstorms brought by the sky. The humans have really spoken the nonsense and the wrongs. The humans should be blamed as they ask themselves have they ever treat the sky as a friend. The rain shows them. They have to understand. The humans should not have speak the blabber. It is totally wrong and horribly wrong. The humans admit that they direct to their sky, but what the humans meant are also for the other skies, or other potential narcisstic and skies who always love blue skies but not orange or grey sky. The humans then hereby apologise to the sky for their "primitive" action. Hoping that the rain will stop. Even then, the humans should not have blabber, thinking that as the world is an oyster, they can speak freely. In fact, with great powers come great responsibility. The humans should be more careful, cautious, than to speak the nonsense in the world. And also, the humans have wrong the sky and therefore must bow to the sky and to seek for forgiveness or even forgetfulness. Hopefully the sky can forgive the humans or at least forget. As the humans seek for "enlightenment", it is in the hope that their actions are the one that judge them the best. Enlightenment does not mean abusive primitive can be used. The humans still want the friendship, and do not want the friendship forged between the sky and the humanity to be lost. The humans want to let the sky know that, the words spoken is not enitrely directed to the sky. The humans promise the sky and others that love them, that taking note of the pen is mightier than the swords, the humans will be careful not to fall into pits. The humans promise the sky that they will be discerned.

The humans wish all the best for the sky, hoping for the sky to have a fruitful merger with another better sky and always to be nourished by sunshine. It is clear that the humans are awaiting the magnanimity of the sky. Hoping that the rain will stop. Hoping that sunshine will come, and the humans can go and sing with the sky together in some days. Hoping ......

P.S: I am busy, very busy, with so many going on with my life. SciFi, EciloP and a lot in my life. I sincerely must make myself a better person, do not alienate friends and make enemies or whatever. I finally get to escort "someone", who give me trouble by keep on spitting. He is an I.I. Darn it, I scolded him for the first time, if he met my earlier version, or when I was in Sec 3, hell, I will have beaten him up. He want to flee, I can see from his eyes. Grab hold of him tightly and he give me the "eye". All the gangsters should know what this mean, as this is very common for gang-fights, affray and rioting. But I control myself, restrain him and put him back. The last thing I want is to get an undeserved charge for hurting someone by physical injuries. Now still waiting for the NUS reply. Feel a little bit disconsolate and woebegone now. Hai~~....... Seriously, the route to enlightenment and mature have changed too. I am now even further away than I thought ...

Bye blogs, once again, from now on, I will be very discern,very careful, and do not think too much craps, as the route to enlightenment awaits me.