Me, myself and my life ...

I do not know why. At least for every single stage of life, I am going to make a person hate me. Why? Is it really about me? About my problems. About my negative character. Why do I not think of the repercussion? Why do I not think properly before I make things open and public? If I did not stop this insane action, I am going to end up hurting more friends and myself than ever. Why? Now I must really be sure that the person will acknowledge me before I can see that I can give comments. And also, I must really be sure I know the people. hai!! What is pride? What is ego? There are just a passing dream. 18 years later, and a new hero is bornt. I made many people misunderstand me. My intention. Make scathing remarks. Hahah!!! I am now waiting for the retribution. Do not know why? After every mistakes I made, I am bound to meet with retribution. Better to accept the retribution by myself on Earth now, than to carry it to my graves or to perturb my friends and family. I am a person who firmly believe that, I work for the people, and not the other way round - the people work for me.

Shocking and astounding, disturbing and very real. Everything I think of, to make myself positive, a long long way to go. It is a total setback to my path of mature and enlightenment. How can I ever be so childish, stupid to make sacarstic remark on impulse on a friend or at least an acquaintance. Darn it. Hai~~ Anyway, all is over and I hope everything is in order. Hopefully she and her friend will never get to meet a jerk like me. Never in their lives.

And I should stop acting like a jerk.

I realise that this blog thing is very open. So open that it is scary. The whole world can see my thoughts. Even thoughts that are sensitive enough. Perhaps it is my mistake to make diaryisblog things. Diary should have a limitation of secrecy. But too bad, only the blog can provide me with good computerised effect. If only, I can limit some people watching my blog. Think there are these systems already, but need to pay money....

The only good things and afterthoughts I can see in the whole "myjerk" incident and the openess of the blog is that I have managed to clear a fateful misunderstanding though at an expense of not only one but many friendships, sadly. But also, I am roused, woke up and horrified to this scary personality of mine. I am going to imprison that in the permanment jail in my brain. The good or don't know bad thing is if I have kept quiet, at least people will have good impression of me. But when I open my mouth, all things went loose. I think I will rather let the people view me as the real person. I hate hypocrisy but still want people to view me as a good-will person, not a jerk.

An unexpected sudden realisation but all was real, true, bona fide. Hai~~ Some mistakes cannot be afford to be done. To minimise this, I have to gain insights from other people's mistakes so that I do not need to do their mistakes and end up losing something to learn something.

Hai!!! May goodness be upon me. May the force be with me. May the dark side of me be sealed forever.

This "myjerk" incident also shows me that sometimes only immediate and suitable openess can clear all airs. If the "bad air" is stored too much, then it will eventually explode. This is why airs, good or bad must be cleared off periodically and systematically and tactfully. Or else all will be lost and all will remain damp, and I will be poignant and regretful. I promise myself I will not be like this, but hai!!! the inevitable.

Anyway, Vesak day coming. Wish all the Buddhists or even the world a Happy Vesak Day!!! To me all the festivals in the world may seem insignificant to the others, but they are all worth celebrating, together or as a whole Homo Sapiens.

For the part on the anti-pathology, I realise microbs in the world are not just entitled to humans only. Microbs that harm animals are equally as potent as the humans one. As all are linked in the ecosystem. There is this theory on aggressive symbionant, that states that microbs jump species to affect another species so as to defend the symbiotic species by themselves. Just like how ants protect the trees from sloth. Likewise, I believe as humans clear more forests, there will be more nasty surprises for them. Just like the shocking HIV and Marburg Virus.

And now at police, it is not that I do not want to be mature, but in dealing with things, I have to, It is mandatory for me to be professional and mature. Though the word mature seems to haunt me from the "myjerk" incident.

May all be well. Very regretful of not attending college day, even when my teachers invite me. Got to work night shift. Alas, that is for the shift work life. I have weird off-days. My friends on weekends whereas I am in weekdays. Hai~~~. But I am going to watch star wars. May be the force with me, and to hell to the "Welcome to the dark side".

Though it seems that it is very hard to meet my friends together, I make it an effort. And also, hooray, I find my will to train my fitness. Hahah.. May all be well for me, and may the goodness be upon my friends and family. Thou shall value all friendships and kinships.

And a golden line that will never be removed forever in my brains "Thou can tolerate homosexual, but never to participate, be part of it and support it, no matter what happens..."

The new principles I have added. Soon, I am going to add the smoke one. As for the alcohol there will be come flexibilities. (It seem that I myself set laws for myself hahah, as long as they are good to me, do not harm others, why not?)

Bye blogs, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU AND US !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!