Year 2009 and the Emo-ing

The year when everyone expects a downturn in economy. But the worst is yet to be expected. The hope is the government and the people who can do all things necessary. This is the current situation of the world, as I feared more would happen. Chain reactions would occur, tornado would spiral. I hope really, everything would be fine. Year 2012, a year of upheaval and changes and definitely not armegaedon.

I am feeling emotional. I tried to restrain the emotion, but that hormone keep coming in. To be logical, it is pheremone? Emo, is what I feel. I believe it must have been the surroundings. My illogical brain would start to compare, would start to think of the possibilities and would eventually imagine. I do not want to be a sick-maniac, and these are the signs. So, the best way is to quell the desire before they hit you.

This desire will keep coming back. And I have to quell them all over again. The problem is they might become stronger. So you quell harder. The side-effects, a high level of self-abasement and depression. Then, logic is used to sustain the depression.

And the cycle goes on. Each time becoming stronger and stronger. I have been suppressing and not really solve the roots of the problems. I don't know how long I can suppress. But I know for sure, I would not be a crazy person. But I do not want moments of madness. It is destructive to people around me. I am thinking too much. But I am human, I cannot stop emotion, I cannot stop hormone, I cannot stop the thoughts from coming in.

SHoot, I am really sounding like a desperate person turned evil in the movie. I do not want this to happen. I am becoming an anti-hero. Should I be the anti-hero?

Nope, I should not.

Quell my desire. Quell that desire. I know that desire is not really wrong, and not immoral at all. However, I do not want to harm the people. I think of a point of harm would degrade all of goods. This is the opposite of hope. I still hope, but I quell hope. Sounds paradoxical, and yes, I am.

Work should be my focus. Productivity is the finest. However, I hope I do not have regrets. I would find anything worth it. I still want love.

For the world to love me
For my country to love me
For the economy to love me
For my Family to love me
For my friends to love me

The 5 love. In return, I would reciprocate all these love.

I am just emo-ing. It is illogical.

William, Age 23, and nearly transforming into Uncle, and yet at the same time, simply not mature, helpful and GOOD enough.