The Library Book Sales ...

2 days ago, is the first day of the Library Books sale. Like any other "Kiasu" Singaporeans, my friends and I went to the Expo early so that we can get the good books.

Boy,we are shocked when we saw how long the queue was. As early as 0900 hrs, the queue was already an "intestine" (Literally). Luckily, one of my friend is an early bird, and an early bird always catch the best worms (Or most worms, or most best worms ...). For us, who were slightly later than usual, we just sit on the bandwagon and gave our thanks (Leveraged Ba....D we are, heehee).

Even with the priviledged fews who managed to get into the hall early, I was quite disappointed by the books that were displayed. It seems my expectation was too ideal, and thus, all the books seem pretty "useless" to me. Nonetheless, I still managed to pick up a few useful books(Around 11, which I presumed "few", because I saw people gather around 50 to 100).

Soon, the crowds gathered, and it became increasingly difficult to wander and waver through the spaces in between the book trolleys.

I managed to meet some of the people I was well-acquainted with such as my ORD friend (With his air stewardess girlfriend) and even my former colleges friends. Imagine my surprise to see my former teachers there too (The Botak and the Chinese Teacher together, heehee). We also hooked up with my former Judo and ODAC friend.

Breathing in a lot of dusts, it seems I realise why the NLB (National Library Board) put their location in the Expo hall. I have also made some speculations. This includes the young people working part time at the Library Book Sales get to pick the books they want first as an incentive other than the part time wages they are earning. I have decided with my friends to join in the Library Book Sales as workers for next year.

After the Library Book Sales, I decided to test out the new route from Expo to my house. Somehow by fate or chance, we alighted at the NYJC Bus stops. Imbued with a sense of nostalgia, we actually walked into NYJC to take a look and walk around. As usual, we are amazed by the new facilities that we did not enjoy in the past. This includes a new gym and good Science Laboratories. We managed to meet up my former Senior in ODAC and former chemistry teacher. We chatted with the teacher for a while. It seems the Dragon batch is a very competitive group. We even made some speculations about our strength in academics compare to them.

Afterthat, I went to one of my friends' house, and played 2 financial games, CashFlow and MonoPoly. To think all the while, we are carrying heavy books along ...

It was the first time since I felt more "free" since the "Negative" feelings I had from last month. It seems this syndrome is ending, and they are all in my mind. Much as I know that thinking about this is useless, futile and maglinant, this "N" feelings somehow seep into my mind. Maybe all the time, it is inside my brain and I have only successfully suppressed it but not tossed it entirely away.

Nonetheless, everything got its own way, and that when the ship reach the harbour, it will go straight. Somehow, I have already sorted out the "N", and now ready to convert to "P". "N" will only make me feel more inferior, less self-confident, and kill my self-esteem. If I lose that precious confidence, then what is the use of dreaming big, and doing big.

So, now I am still ready to embark on new projects and ready to succeed. I have another 40 years to contribute totally to the society. So, I already have the determination to step ahead and go.

It seems my life is not "very" smooth, but still "palatable" and "fortunate". So, it is only wise of me to savour the "fortunate" instead of always looking for "smooth". Only then, I can say that I am ready to be enlightened ...

Diary is Blog [(The Pride of my job) & (Reflection of my TP)]

It has been around 1 month since I have inputted into the blog. As usual, I am rather "busy" doing all the things such as reading, doing chores, going out with friends and chasing my childhood. My childhood does not entitle me the priviledge of watching anime or manga as I do not have the cable TV and also less money to read. So, now, I use my free time to "go retro", to burrow all the available anime and Manga (Such as Flame of Recca and even DragonBall) from my friends and enjoy.

(For this paragraph, contents are purposefully concised and make into long-winded sentences ...)
[[[[[[[[It has been around one year, since I have been transferred from my division to SOC to join the PMU (Police MRT UNit). Talking about pride, which my TLs(Team Leaders) have tried to instill into us, I feel seriously deprived of certain dignity, no matter how motivating my TLs want to make my job seems. If a police officer has pride, he/she does not need to "beg" literally to officially rest in a room or to meet our basic need, the toilets and the water. Even if given "forcefully", it seems the "givers" are very unhappy and will show unhappy faces and utter disrespect even when the room is free and no one is in use. This is a slap in the face, as we are not the one who ask to come here, and we are also humans who need to have our fair share of rest. We are also protecting people and doing our jobs. I admit we heard nasty remarks about our job as a "wayang" job or a job that only "performs". This only further demoralise us, as those are the people whom we are protecting. These guys might even want to say that they do not need us. I admit we are not needed by them , but if so? It is not as if we ask for this unit to be formed. This unit is formed because of the "above", the big shots and the Minister. The mission is to deter terrorism and even crimes. These guys, whom I hope is minority of the population but unfortunately as I observed, the majority of Singaporeans who laugh and taunt the people who protect them, have not been hit by any terrorists. Singaporeans are really too lucky to comprehend the meaning of happiness and have taken peace and the people who are protecting them and doing their jobs for granted. Worst, some of these guys are our colleagues and even our "partners" (The "givers" whom we have to beg for rest and water). Without respect from the public is enough, but how can we have pride when the partners and one of us even contempt the unit? Pride unfortunately does not mean anything to be anymore as the pride has become ego, because I have to find ways to source for the "pride" we should have. And this artifical pride is going to become fake ego which is going to give false self-comfort. How to have pride as Group leader when your mates do not help you but deter you; When your mates do not listen to you or follow instructions during critical moment or when the instructions given are supposed to be correct and adhered to; When your mates laugh and criticise wrongly with the others (Not our Units and people such as the "givers") about the things and procedures you follow when all of them are correct and should be done. Worst of all, nothing can be done to those mates, as they are supposedly one of us or worst still have some connections with the TLs. I will have said that becoming a GL is simply a pain in the ass and do not provide me with any additional income. It is just an extra job that will simply make me feel sad for the helplessness. The problem with those people or mates who criticise wrongly happens to be non GLs, and this will make me feel more strange. If they are so good, why don't they take over my job? I have not asked for the job either. How to have pride? This is what I will have asked. Even when I feel that I am more lucky than the Army people, but still, somehow in terms of pride, I do not have the precious item as much as them. They are scolded and treated badly by their commanders but are given certain degree of respect from the "others". If we create the "pride", then it is ego, personally speaking. Thus, real pride must also come from the surroundings, from the environment, the people to the mates who are supposedly one of "us". And so, for all the dignity, the pride and respect, I am going to ORD soon, and I do not care whether even what if my OC say is true, "All these are just part of Job-Hazards ...". ]]]]]]]]

Today is my TP (Traffic Police) or driving test. And I am sad to announce that I have FAILED in my first attempt of the test. I cannot blame anyone or anything but myself. I am given a good weather, a good timing when there are lesser cars on the road and the circuit. Even the tester seems to be a person who is a neutral but a fair and good "grace-giver". Thus, I am endowed with good circumstances or FengShui and even luck. I have trained so many times that I believe that I can pass it on first attempt. I have a good and experience private instructor and also a new and good car. Yet, I am still "shaky" and "uneasy" with a little "inconsistency" in my feelings. I want to be confident and not to be overconfident. But the problem is I cannot have that 100% confidence and sureness as a tinge of doubt still exists in my capability. I have lost, because I lost to myself, the coolness and the calmness. Of all the obstacles and courses, I have actually got an immediate failure in my first course, the crank course. Just as I start on the first course and not more than ten seconds, I have mounted the kerb and thus rendered immediate failure.

Nonetheless, the tester give me a chance to gain "experience", and therefore allow me to continue my test even though I have failed. I am grateful to him and yet deeply shaken and demoralised. Nonetheless, I tried myself, and I can say if I did not mount the kerb, I will have passed the test. But then, if we keep saying "if", then what is the use of the differentiation between "Failure" and "Success". In my former entry, I have written something of the "Extra Tiny Reach". I am aware of the problem, yet I cannot overcome it and this make me a little frustated. I still repeat the same mistake and personally, I feel that I do not even have the right to moan, groan and whince, and at the same time imbued with a sense of self-pity.

Hai~~ It is over now, and the only thing I can do is to look forward to the next re-test and then be calm and cool. Only with calmness and coolness, can I stop mistakes from happening. I did not focus in the beginning of the test and therefore I have suffered a defeat. If I panic then I will lose the focus. Now, it is time I rest first, and then continue with my life and just keep swimming.

And maybe this is why I will have to be classified under the "lower-end" class, for a person who still cannot achieve something even when everything is tilted in the favour. By looking at those people who have achieved greatness at a time of peril, or in a circumstances of hell, I feel a little ashamed and embarassed. (Even now, there are good enough examples such as a poor person who actually achieve good grades and grow up to be a successful person).

I will like to ask myself with reference to the characters in the movies such as Mission Impossible. How can I achieve difficult missions when I cannot even do a simple job that already have my advantage? It is a total shame, frankly speaking, as I do not believe that I will have to "purposefully" put myself in a super harsh condition to bring out the best in myself and lose or sacrifice important things. Why cannot I bring out the best in myself by having the correct attitude, and the correct thoughts and moment?

Hopefully, I will not be like this any longer, as in my opinion, Singapore has given me a good environment and a good circumstances (FengShui), and hence I should not slack or do something that is stupid or simply fail.

That will have been morally,sensibly, questionably and horribly unjustifiable.

"The Extra tiny reach" ... ... ... My 5 points of Importance ... ... ...

"The Extra Tiny Reach" ...

In life, there is always ..."Hey, just a little bit and I will be successful, Hai~~" ...

I believe all of us will have this feeling. But if the frequency of this feeling is high, then I am afraid this person will have an intense poignacy.

Nonetheless, it seems that I am one of them. I am always this close. From everything in my life that can be graded. So close to success and the result is still a FAIL. After the ordeal of failing, then either someone or myself will say failure is still a route to success and learn from the mistakes to ameliorate. It is true, but the truth is meant for people to learn (from mistakes and never to repeat) and not to exploit.

But then, there are some problems which I feel worst. Some of the things in the world have only one time, that means you have only one shot and only one chance in the life. There are no more "some more"s or "chances" left. There are numerous examples. To name a few, major critical exams, including my streaming in Primary 4 to my A-level.

For me, it is not just few critical exams that is so simple. In my former entries, I have taken note of some relationships and incidents. The youthful romance, friendships. Many are "that close".
In sports, from young, I have never been real good lest for some golden eras ...

Well, the most recent one is the close shave of 4 seconds to the Silver in IPPT for me (At this stage, I am unfit but luckily, still salubrious). To get silver will mean 100 bucks richer for me. People has said that 4 seconds are easy and I am an idiot for not passing that easy 4 seconds.

Thus, in life, it is easy to say "If I have known earlier ..." or "Just this close ..." but it is always the small difference that counts. The thin line that means victory or failure. Success is always within reach of us in most of the affairs, just that one tiny steps, and glory and eternity is ours. The "EXTRA TINY REACH" which I term, is the vital and essential ingredient of a person who want to be happy to achieve something; who want to be satisfied with their lives; and of course to obtain the results and savour the endeavour of triumph. This is also the difference between extraordinary person and just ordinary person. And in many, it is the "EXTRA TINY REACH", that bore LEGEND (Or Singaporeans like to say "God", or people who achieve a remarkable results that are so outstanding that it becomes miraculous).

So, even after so many trials on the lessons of "EXTRA TINY REACH", I still have not fully appreciated and cherish the chances to become extraordinary. NOnetheless, I am aware of it. So, either I buck up and instil this value or I will choose to become ordinary. To become ordinary is actually a good thing at times, but not when you whince and you groan when you become "normal".

So, I will promise myself whenever I reach a point of the "difference" or the "divergence" (In events, circumstances or even competitions) , I will have to execute the leap of EXTRA TINY REACH. Only then, will I prevent any evocative poignancy. It is "Just do" or never. Like what Achilles told a young boy when the young boy questioned Achilles of his sanity to fight a monstrous giant warrior, in the movie blockbuster, "Troy" (starring Brad Pitt as Achilles himself), "This is why people will never remember your name ...".


(Finished on 27/6/2006, Tuesday, 2120 hrs)

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"My 5 points of Importance" (Code name: Pentagon) ...

5 points of importance ... Beliefs of ancient Chinese (And probably any Chinese well versed in I Ching and FengShui) of how should the life as a person be. (Or to me, the way to lead a good and meaningful life ...)

The 5 points of Life below is as follow. Generally, many people will have the subtle ideas behind the Pentagon (My own personal term of these 5 points) base on their meanings. Chiefly, the people will have agreed that this is how one's life should be fulfilled. But to each individuals in the world, it is still different individuals that lead one's own life. Thus (Especially in my view), this only serves as a guideline and a purpose but not strict regulation. This is why there may be different version of interpretations. I am going to put my version forward in this entry of blog.

In FengShui and I Ching, there are many intangible concepts. BUt these concepts have to be converted into tangible aspects for the benefit of the understanding for most of the people. For me, likewise, there will be many tangible and intangible concepts in my views. Some are explicit, and for the others, it is up to the readers to comprehend and think. (This is why some of the readers have complained my blog is too "chim" [Difficult]. [[Well, this is the way how I do it. Or else in the 1st place, I will never have started a blog ...]])

1st - Destiny (Fate, or what I am going to become)
2nd - Luck (Good fortunes, and the high degree of smoothness while accomplishing objectives)
3rd - FengShui (Which means putting myself in a favourable spots and position)
4th - Philanthropy (Giving back ... To society ... Not just monetary)
5th - Education (Learn as You live)

Destiny:
At many points of view, it can be talents, beliefs and even amibitions of different individuals. To put it simple, I will depict the destiny of a healthy red bean seed, a less complicated organism.

The young seed's destiny is to grow into a full-fledged plant. And a full-fledged plant represents the adulthood when we contribute to the society and distinguish ourselves. There is also an obvious (yet discrete) responsibility - to reproduce (Immortality is not part of the life-cycle on Earth). To reproduce may mean both figurative and literal. Literally, it is the responsibility to bear offsprings (Scientifically it is to pass on the genetic information in the forms of chromosomes). WHile in figurative term, it is the responsibility to spread and pass on the knowledge and skills to the next generation.

So a full-fledged, healthy plant is to provide foods and be part of the eco-system. Be a producer and tap the energy from the sunlight , and pass on these energy to the others in the eco-system. (I do not want to elaborate on Ecology or Biodiversity, so for interested fellows, find out more on INternet or Biology Textbooks) ... In some sort, an adult in society is to contribute to the economy in terms of different skills or jobs. Then in return, taxes have to be paid and optional charity will be given. The plant(In this case, dicotyledon Angospem or flowering plant) will also give offsprings in the form of seeds.

So, like the plant, my destiny is to grow and learn, and contribute to the society. But the exact form of my contribution is still quite hazy. Soon, I will learn what is my real destiny ...

Luck:

In the world, you will always need good luck. Though luck is not encouraged to be viewed as the most important factor of success, it is still acknowledged widely as an ingredient. But, there are some controversial argument of how much luck is needed or is used in order to achieve success.
Even the fact about how to derive luck or where luck comes from is also debated. To me, without the essential luck, no matter how skillful you are, you will still fail. NOnetheless, I hold on the belief of "Not everyday is a Sunday ...", and "Lady luck will smile more on Good guys ...". I respect luck but never put myself on stake with luck. Even the luckiest man on Earth will have exhausted his/her luck sooner or later. And the only person I can think of having every single luck he/she can have, will be the omnipotent, omnisient and omnipresent God (Or the monothestic version of God).

(Please read my former entries in order to find out what I perceived luck as and what my view is ...)

FengShui (Geomancy):

FengShui is a big topic or subject by itself. BUt to me, I have got a general definition of something that is of good favour and good circumstances to me. With luck and your destiny, without FengShui, both the former will have been entirely useless. A saying will be, "Circumstances and Environment can determine a person ...".

Like a seed, it wants to be strong. It wants to grow into a full-fledged plant. It wants to achieve its destiny. But if the seed is in a very dry soil, a place where there is no sunlight, and trapped in a rock without sufficient air, no matter how lucky the soil is or how determined it wants to be strong, it is still limited and cannot fulfill its whole potential.

Luck and Destiny can influence FengShui but the latter also affects both the former. Humans especially the Chinese have always wanted to change their circumstances(Harsh and negative) in order to survive, to obtain happiness and to realise and fulfill their goals and destiny.

FengShui might be controversial in some sense that many people including the Westerns will choose not to believe in the exact advices and principles behind the Chinese Geomancy. But it is a telling sign, that more and more people believe in FengShui. Even if people do not want to follow the principles of the original Chinese Geomancy, they have their own successful "FengSHui".

Thus, to avoid any issues, FengShui simply means putting myself into a favourable conditions and circumstances in order to realise my full potential and goal.

There is a saying, "It is the harsh conditions that bring out the best in humans". FengShui does not mean anything about a pampered life and a condition that gives everything so that humans can become slack. Contrary to this, it proves the determination of how well a human wants to change his life to a better when he is hit to a full-sunk low. Natural circumstances (Both Good or Bad) cannot be changed or sometimes controlled (Such as a full blown natural disaster), but a wise and smart person can manipulate those conditions to his favour and hence achieving a success and a good life with a good FengShui.

My FengShui will of course have a requisite of moral values, but as any policies that benefit the majority, sometimes certain necessary evil and bitter medicines must be implemented and taken. But this will always be the LAST resort.

Philantropy:

Anyone in the world will have tell you that you will have to give back something for we are always taking. This includes a higher philosophy of death, that means giving back our nutrients to the Earth.

Nonetheless, the giving back to society is a very common affair today in terms of monetary. Other than monetary, there are other means of giving such as efforts or time in the form of contributions.

Thus, philantropy is not just a simple thing on giving, but contributing. The contribution must benefit great mass or large organisation like society even though the contribution may be small. Small does not matter as long as the contribution is done in a serious and sincere manner.

Education:

Learn as you live. We are learning everyday. Different forms of skills and not just academic. Even ideas, notions and philosophy are learned.

Education is very important. Though people might argue that schooling is in fact education (and in large aspects is true), education does not merely consists of schooling. Schools teach us mostly on academic and of course a good school will have taught life-learning skills, street-smart skills and even instil important moral values like TeamWork.

But education is more than just schooling. Researching and looking up for information yourself is infact a form of education. In the process, valuable insights are gained. There are now many tools to gain from. Library, Internet, Books and Media.

Education also comes from people around us. Environment is the one that affects and influence us tremendously. Parents and elders especially are the one that "lecture" us everyday. They are passing us knowledge too just like the schools.

But it is important to take note that even when we have reached the "highest" peak of education, and this includes when we have supposedly grown wise and old, we will still have to learn. Or simply some old ideas can no longer work in present circumstances (FengShui). Then we will have to learn and adapt new ways. Neither can we be stubborn and refuse to learn but stick to old ways.

A saying will be "Education is a way of life", and look at how true it is, in our everyday's life ...

(Last edited on 15/07/2006, Saturday, 0910 hrs)


A note:

I am too busy to input many things into my blog even though I have plenty to talk about. This shows that there will always be something that you may have to omit in life. Filter and Priortise. Anyway, the "sayings" I give in NS are very common sensical or are just pure bull shit depending on how you view them. For the inspiration part, I have input many thoughts about inspiration in my former entries. It is now time to move forward, and to input more relevant and daily stuffs into my blog.

Many people have commented it is too boring. Much as I listen to other views, I still understand that this is my own personal blog. (I do not advertise or earn any money, and neither do I add links to others) Thus, I will just do it my way, and follow my own discretion ...